Grieving is a process that unfolds differently for every child and adult. Grieving children and teens might find it difficult to talk about their loss right away, and some may show signs of fear and need extra reassurance.
Reading books about death and loss can help a child better understand what has happened and realise that they’re not alone.
Some children might be ready to connect with books immediately after the death, others might be more ready in the weeks and months following the death. Either way, books can serve as tools to help children process their grief and feel less alone.
Reading books can show grieving children characters who have experienced something similar. Books can also help children understand complex feelings, explain the facts and permanence of death, or even help children connect with memories of their lost loved one.
Here are some tips for choosing helpful books and some recommendations for various age groups.
Books for children aged 4-7 years olds
Around this age, children begin to develop an understanding of death. Younger kids might feel responsible for the death of a loved one, or they might have magical thoughts that their behaviour could bring the person back.
Tips for choosing helpful books for 4–7 year olds
Look for books:
- that help explain the basic facts about death
- in which characters feel multiple feelings simultaneously. Books can help kids understand that it is possible, and normal, to feel many things at once
- that show there is no “right way” to feel, grieve or express sadness or worry
Book recommendations
- The Invisible String
- The Heart and the Bottle
- Lifetimes
- Death is Stupid
- Chester Raccoon & The Acorn Full of Memories
- Sad Isn’t Bad
- Where Are You?
- The Saddest Time
- I Miss You
Books for children aged 8-12 years
Bereaved children within this age group generally understand that death is permanent. However, they might still have confused or magical thinking that something they could’ve done differently would have prevented the death. They might fixate on the details of their family member’s death.
Tips for choosing helpful books for 8–12 years
Look for books that:
- feature characters that the child will see their own culture, family structures, and life experiences reflected.
- allow characters to express a range of emotions and behaviours after experiencing a loss. This is important to show children that there is no “right way” to process grief.
- are age-appropriate for individual children both in content and reading abilities.
Book recommendations
- The Heart and the Bottle
- Death is Stupid
- I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand
- The Scar
- The Saddest Time
- Tear Soup
Books for children aged 13-17 years
It is important to approach bereaved teenagers with compassion while maintaining boundaries. It is common for grief to manifest as anger in teens, and they might withdraw from school or act out in disruptive ways. Encourage them to find ways to express what they are feeling, and if they are willing to share with you, actively listen and validate the emotions being expressed.
Tips for choosing helpful books for 13–17 years
- feature characters that the child will see their own culture, family structures, and life experiences reflected.
- allow characters to express a range of emotions and behaviours after experiencing a loss. This is important to show children that there is no “right way” to process grief.
- are age-appropriate for individual children both in content and reading abilities.
Book recommendations
- The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud
- The Boy in the Black Suit
- Cures for Heartbreak
- Looking for Alaska
- All the Bright Places
- What I Leave Behind
- The Last Time We Say Goodbye
- Inkling
Some reflection questions
Reading can be used as a fun way to encourage young children and teenagers alike to talk about the death of their family member and their grief with a parent or other trusted adult.
We have compiled some questions you can give your child that will help them connect more with the book they’ve read and allow them to express feelings.
- It can be confusing to feel more than one feeling at once, like the character in the book we read. What are some feelings that a person may feel at the same time? Would you like to share anything about times when you have felt more than one feeling, such as feeling angry with someone and missing them, or feeling sad about something but happy at the same time?
- What did the character feel after the loss? How did those feelings change over time?
- It is hard to feel big feelings. How did the characters in the book feel? How do their feelings affect their behaviours? Have you noticed any ways that your feelings and behaviours are connected? Are there certain things that you do when you feel sad, angry, or confused?
- What strategies did the character use to cope with their feelings? Which of the strategies seemed to be the most helpful for this character?
- What would you like to say to the character experiencing grief? What things did other characters say or do that were the most helpful to the grieving character?
- Would you like to talk about, write about, or draw any of your favourite memories of the person who died? Is there another way that you would like to remember or celebrate that person
- How did the loss affect the character’s feelings of safety or security?
- How did the character continue to feel connected to their loved one or to remember them after the death? How can you remember loved ones after they die? What can you do to stay connected to them and celebrate their memory?
Helping children navigate grief through books allows them to feel connected with others, giving them the confidence to express difficult feelings like anxiety and anger. For more advice on how to help your child cope after a parent or other family member has died, visit our Grief Resource Hub.
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