Tag: child grief support

Adult and two children kneeling down talking in the outdoors

What is Happening to the Brain During Grief

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

After the death of a loved one, you may experience many changes in your mental and emotional state of mind. Grief affects the brain in many ways, causing changes in memory, behaviour, sleep, and body function2

Completing routine or simple tasks may seem overwhelming, impossible or might take longer than usual. When you are grieving, your brain is overloaded with thoughts and your memory, concentration, and cognition are all affected, leaving little room for everyday tasks. Grief has such a powerful effect on us, it rewires the brain.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss, and it is a normal protective process2. Grief involves our emotions, thoughts, behaviours, and physiology. You can experience grief in relation to the death of a loved one (called bereavement) but you can also grief in relation to change and loss, such as grief after a significant relationship ends, or grief after changes to your role in life, such as retirement.

 Grief can also lead to cognitive impacts, such as brain fog. So, lots of different parts of the brain are orchestrating this experience that we have when we feel grief 1

What is happening to the brain during grief?

In response to traumatic events like the death of a loved one, the brain creates connections between nerves and strengthens or weakens existing connections depending on the duration and degree of the emotional response2

A process called neuroplasticity occurs, whereby the brain rewires itself in response to emotional trauma, which has profound effects on the brain, mind and body 2 After a loss, the body releases hormones and chemicals reminiscent of a “fight, flight or freeze” response. The pathways you relied on for most of your life take some massive, but mostly temporary, detours and the brain prioritizes the most primitive functions.

The brain regions affected by grief3

  1. The prefrontal cortex – The decision-making, reasoning and control part of the brain becomes underactive. The limbic system, which is all about survival, takes over.
  2. The anterior cingulate cortex – The emotional regulation part of the brain becomes underactive
  3. The amygdala – The fear part of the brain becomes overactive

Create reasonable expectations

It is important to be gentle and patient with yourself during this time. It may be unreasonable or impossible to expect to complete your normal tasks as you did before your loved one died. Be mindful about setting reasonable expectations and build form there.

When you can complete a task, give yourself a pat on the back and recognise it as a step towards healing. If large tasks are overwhelming, break them into smaller, more manageable chunks. You may also need to rely on strategies such as visual reminders, checklists, calendars and other supports, while your memory takes time to recover.

Healthy brain rewiring

Grief can reinforce brain wiring that effectively locks the brain in a permanent stress response. To promote healthy rewiring, you need to break the cycle. This can involve a whole range of creative and contemplative practices, from painting, to meditation, positive affirmations, or expressions of faith.

Aim small by accomplishing tiny goals which will offer you enough of a dopamine kick to reinforce behaviours. Also, remember that anything is better than nothing. If you find yourself stuck in the stress response, or find yourself avoiding things, consider getting help from a mental (https://psychology.org.au/find-a-psychologist), who can help you reframe your negative thoughts and find ways to cope with stress in healthy ways.

Even though grief has an effect on the brain, it may be helpful to follow strategies to help you navigate your way to a new normal. Feel the Magic offers grief education programs, camps and resources to help grieving children heal. Click here to enquire now.

References

1 Shear, K. M (2012) Grief and mourning gone awry: pathway and course of complicated grief, Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 14:2, 119-128, DOI: 10.31887/DCNS.2012.14.2/mshear

2Shulman, L. M. (2021, September 29). Healing Your Brain After Loss: How Grief Rewires the Brain. Retrieved April 18, 2023, from https://www.americanbrainfoundation.org/how-tragedy-affects-the-brain/.

3Silva, A. C., de Oliveira Ribeiro, N. P., de Mello Schier, A. R., Arias-Carrión, O., Paes, F., Nardi, A. E., Machado, S., & Pessoa, T. M. (2014). Neurological aspects of grief. CNS & neurological disorders    drug targets, 13(6), 930–936. https://doi.org/10.2174/1871527313666140612120018

Mother’s Day Without Mum: Growing with Grief

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Grief is a natural response to loss and can be an extremely challenging experience, especially on significant days like Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day and Grief

Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for children and teens who have experienced the death of their mum, or other maternal figure in their life like a step-mum, auntie or grandmother. It can be a time when grief is brought to the surface, emotions are heightened and may be a confronting reminder that their loved one is no longer here.

Despite the sadness and challenges that a day like Mother’s Day can bring, many grieving children can also experience ‘post-traumatic growth’ leading them to experience full and rich lives after the loss and tragedy and allowing them to grow with their grief in new ways.

Growing With Grief

Post-traumatic growth refers to the positive psychological changes people can experience following a struggle through a life-altering or traumatic experience. Although post-traumatic growth might occur following the death of a loved one, this does not mean it minimises the pain, suffering, and impact of such a significant loss.

While it is true that not everyone will experience post-traumatic growth after a loss or other negative event, it is a possibility for many, especially when they receive appropriate support and intervention.

Post-traumatic growth does not mean that the grieving process is easy or that the loss is any less painful. It simply means that there is the potential for growth following a difficult experience.

Feel the Magic Camper Emily lost her mum when she was just eight years old.

In a moving letter to her late mum Susan, Emily shared how she has taught her nanna and cousins her mum’s sausage roll recipe, listens to her mum’s favourite songs and has found a song that symbolises her mum in hers and her dad’s eyes.

Emily is at high school learning new things and meeting new people. She is now old enough to ride with her dad on the back of the Harley Davidson to visit her mum at the cemetery.

Emily with her mum Susan
Emily with a photo of her my Susan

Emily can smile again. Emily said:

“There’s just something that people need, and I think Camp Magic is probably one of them. You get a lot of people just being around you. You know that they have been through the same thing as you and you feel just really comforted by that. It’s taught me that nothing is too far out of reach, you just got to do it and just reach for your dreams, honestly. I’m very proud of myself”.

Emily’s dad Geoff said:

“It really helps me to know that she is in the best hands. They are able to reassure you that things will get better. She has done extremely well, the way she has coped, the way she has used the tools that Feel the Magic have given her is just absolutely fantastic”.

Emily speaking at Night of Magic 2022

Some of the ways that people may experience post-traumatic growth after the loss of a family member include:

  1. Deeper relationships: Loss can bring people closer together, as they support each other through the grieving process. This can result in deeper and more meaningful relationships, especially as they grow older.
  2. Increased sense of purpose: Some people find that going through a difficult experience such as grief helps them to clarify their priorities and find a greater sense of purpose in life. For some people, this may also lead to changes in study or work to better align with their values and goals.
  3. Greater resilience: Going through the process of grieving can be incredibly difficult, but it can also help people develop resilience, coping skills, and self-soothing strategies that can be useful in other areas of life or during subsequent challenging times.
  4. Increased gratitude and appreciation: When someone experiences a significant loss, they may develop a greater appreciation for the time they have with loved ones and for the beauty of life in general.

It is important to not jump into the possibility of growth immediately following the death of a loved one. However, helping grieving children and adolescents to develop post-traumatic growth can make a significant difference to their futures.

How to support a bereaved child and encourage growth with grief

Implementing these suggestions could help encourage growth and positive outcomes in bereaved children:

  • Social support – Fostering an environment of social support for bereaved children and adolescents is recommended to promote post-traumatic growth after traumatic life events. This may include having trusted adults to talk to about big emotions or having positive social friendships with peers.
  • Resiliency skills – Adults can be instrumental in helping children develop post-traumatic growth by teaching resiliency skills such as teaching positive emotional regulation skills, helping children name emotions and develop their emotional literacy, modelling help-seeking behaviours, and helping them identify their triggers and early warning signs of distress.
  • Early Intervention – Early interventions are often helpful for addressing trauma symptoms in children, and professional support may be required for some people. Helping a child process and make sense of a loss might help reduce feelings of excessive guilt, assist life transitions, and help them make new meaning of their world.
  • Offering praise and hope – When your child makes a positive coping statement or demonstrates self-soothing behaviour, it is a good idea to offer them praise and recognition for these healthy choices. It is also recommended to speak of the future and make plans. This can help counteract the common feeling among children that have experienced a traumatic event that the future is scary, bleak and unpredictable.
  • Parent/guardian self-care – it is important to take care of yourself and manage your own distress too. The use of self-regulation skills and self-care activities and seeking support is modelling an effective way to respond to trauma for your child. By taking care of your own emotional health and well-being, you’ll be better able to help your child.

If you are looking for tips to support a grieving child on Mother’s Day, read our blog: Remembering Mum and Coping with Grief on Mother’s Day.

Read More

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7 Things to Consider While Helping Children Deal with Loss

How to Help a Grieving Child or Adolescent

Helpful Activities for Grieving Children and Teenagers

7 Helpful Activities for Grieving Children and Teenagers

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Coping with grief following the death of a loved one is particularly challenging and often confusing for children and teenagers.

Grieving children may feel numb and angry at the same time, while also dealing with both excess energy and exhaustion.

No two children or teens react to grief in the same way, but there are a variety of coping strategies, resources and activities to support children through their grief journey.

Activities may also be useful when supporting children and teens through anniversaries and significant events relating to a family member’s death.

Drawing of a tangled ball of grief

My Tangled Ball of Grief

A helpful grief activity for children is to create their own tangled ball of grief art. All you need is paper and either markers, crayons or coloured pencils.

Your child can create a key and then choose a different colour to represent each different emotion to then draw their own tangled ball of grief.

You can also use this art activity to talk with your child about what colours are most prominent, and why.

Six hand drawn hearts with white background

Thankful Hearts

Print this page and your child writes what they are thankful for on each heart. Younger children can draw what they are thankful for. Cut out the hearts and place them on the refrigerator, put them in a bowl, or keep them in your pockets. Read them together each morning as you begin your day. This activity is helpful for grieving children as it builds gratitude and appreciation.

A picture of a box with memories in it

Memory Box

A meaningful activity for grieving kids is to create a memory box.

You can use a shoebox or another box, decorate it and fill it with memorable items such as cards, drawings, personal items and photographs.

Your child may want to continue adding memories to the box as time goes by.

This is a great way to support children through the grief process by dedicating some time to fondly remember the person who has died.

Cardboard box with cardboard tube poking out of the top. On the front of the box are the words 'LET IT OUT!' written on the front.

Scream Box

When kids of any age are going through the grieving process, they will experience a range of emotions, including anger and frustration. Sometimes instead of wanting to talk, they may just feel like screaming.

This can be appealing to children and easily made with things you’ll likely have around the house.

Using an empty box, such as a cereal box, fill it with crumpled paper (e.g., paper towel, newspapers) and close the top of the box.

Using a paper towel tube, mark a circle on the top of the box and then cut out the hole.

Tape the paper towel tube to the hole and decorate the box. When you’re ready, scream into the box!

A small glass jar filled with different pieces of folded coloured paper

Jar of Memories

A meaningful activity for grieving children is to create a jar of happy memories.

Together with your child, write down your favourite memories of the special person who died.

Place the memories notes in a jar. Randomly take a memory out of the jar to remember the person.

It can also be helpful to read the memories out loud together.

An acrostic poem that reads Joyous Earthly Stunning Singer Interesting Caring Affectionate

Acrostic Poem

When a child has lost a family member, a healthy way for them to grieve and manage their emotions is to use creativity and art.  

By taking the name of their loved one who died, children are encouraged to reflect on the positive qualities of their loved one.  

  • Write down the person’s name vertically on the left side of a piece of paper. 
  • Write descriptive words using the first letter of the word. 
  • Encourage children to be creative and use colours, glitter and other crafts.  
A photo taken from above of someone creating beaded bracelets

Memory Bracelet

A meaningful activity for grieving children and teens is to create a memory bracelet to represent their loved one.

Using objects like beads and jewellery can be a good way for a child to tell a story about their loved one.

It is also something they can wear when they are missing their loved one. Different colours could represent different emotions, or memories, or anything else they wish to convey.

For more information about the bereavement programs, grief activities and support we offer to help grieving kids heal, click here.  

Read More

Connection Activities for Grieving Kids and Families

Grief-Related Kids Books, Movies and Novels

Parent and Guardian Grief Resources

Adult and child sitting on the floor talking

A Guide on How to Teach Children About Death

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Teaching children about death requires honesty and simple, age-appropriate information. 

Understanding your child’s knowledge and comprehension of death at different developmental stages is helpful when supporting your child through their grief. 

Understanding death at different ages 

Preschool-aged children mostly understand death as temporary and reversible. Children between the ages of five and nine begin to understand that all living things eventually die, however, they tend not to relate death to themselves.

Children at around the age of nine through to adolescence begin to fully understand that death is irreversible, and they too will die one day.  

Camper at Camp Magic learning grief strategies through activities
Campers at Camp Magic exploring their feelings

6 Ways to Teach Your Child about Death 

  • Take things slowly 

The first step when teaching a child about death is to have a firm grasp of their cognitive and emotional understanding of death. Use this information to guide you, as well as patience and persistence. 

Children process death gradually over time. Don’t sit them down once, overwhelm them with information and expect them to internalise it all immediately. 

Over a certain period, expect your child to ask various questions. Answer them consistently. As painful as it is, answer them honestly because it will help them start to grasp the finality of death.  

  • Be honest and clear 

Use simple, clear and direct words when teaching a child about death. It is also important to pause and give your child a moment to take in your words. Try to avoid euphemisms like, ‘She’s in a better place,’ because they can be scary and confusing for children. 

Use the word ‘death’ to avoid confusion. You could say “Your dad died. When people die their body stops working and you won’t be able to see them again”. If your child responds by asking whether the person’s body can be fixed, say “when a body stops working, it can never start again”. Click here to read the blog ‘What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies’.  

  • Build Emotional Literacy 

By consistently labelling and modelling your own emotions, you are acting as an emotional role model for a child. Labelling some of your own feelings will make it easier for a child to share theirs. 

Another way to build emotional literacy is to use “feelings cards” or illustrations to introduce emotion vocabulary to children. Asking a child to describe what they are feeling is an important part of developing emotional literacy. If a child sees you cry, explain what you are feeling and why. An important part of teaching children about death is to show them that it is acceptable to cry and grieve. 

  • Explaining death and the body 

Consider your child’s age and maturity when helping them understand the physical aspect of death. Begin this part of the conversation by making sure the child understands that the body of the person who died does not work anymore and will never work again. 

Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you can also talk about what you and your family believe happens after death. An important part of teaching children about death is to try and make death a part of normal conversations with children. 

  • Explaining funerals 

An important part of teaching children about death is explaining funerals and memorial services. Clear descriptions of what will happen (e.g., religious symbols, casket, black clothing etc.) are helpful as children thrive on knowing what to expect. Remember, you don’t have to talk about everything at once. 

Explain the service in age-appropriate terms to help alleviate some of the anxiety that comes from not knowing what to expect. Let children know that they may feel a wide range of feelings as well, or they may not feel anything at all. Explain that sometimes our feelings come weeks or even months later.  

  • Children try to make sense of death by asking questions 

Teaching children about death often comes with questions about their own mortality and the death of others close to them. It is important to teach your child that some people only die when they are very old or very sick, but we will all die one day.  

Children may also wonder what happens when you die and how you answer this question depends on your personal or spiritual beliefs. Some children may find comfort in having something to focus on when thinking about a person who died, for example “when we see a star in the sky, we can think about Mum and how much she loved us”. However, avoid direct euphemisms which can confuse children (such as saying the stars in the sky are mum).   

For more support on how to teach children about death, read our guide How to teach children about death. 

If your family has experienced the death of a loved one, you and your child need to know that you are not alone. Feel the Magic support families through the difficult period following a death, and support children as they grieve the death of a loved one. Click here to find out more about our bereavement programs.  

Read More

What to Expect When Children Grieve 

Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 7 to 9 years 

Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 10 to 13 years 

Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 14 to 17 years 

FTM Luke Camp Magic

Luke Parker Joins Feel the Magic as Proud Ambassador

Posted on | by Adam Blatch

Professional Australian rules footballer and Sydney Swans co-captain Luke Parker joins Feel the Magic as a proud Ambassador.

Luke is an accomplished footballer with impressive achievements. He has graciously pledged to support Feel the Magic and help us reach more families who need us.

We were fortunate to have Luke at a recent Camp Magic. He said, “For me, it’s about being able to give back in some way… and to be able to help where possible. I’m glad I’ve finally been able to come to camp and be a part of what it’s all about”.

Luke was inspired by the Campers’ resilience, the friendships and the bonds created.

“To come on board and be a part of the whole two-three days was something I will never forget. There were some sessions that were really moving…to build a bond with your Camper and see them grow and see them create friends and become really comfortable in the environment is something that was really inspiring.”

We are proud and immensely grateful to welcome Luke to our Feel the Magic community. Luke joins us to help raise awareness and funds to reach more grieving kids and families.

Adam Blatch, Chief Executive Officer Feel the Magic said “to have someone like Luke who is generous with his time to help us, help more kids, is a tremendous gift. His energy and commitment to give back is remarkable”.

“1 in 20 kids who have just lost a parent let alone a sibling who don’t know this is available or who are dealing with things on their own, I’d love just to help anyone I can to get them to Camp. The experience that I have had is 99% of the kids have gotten something from this camp and have all said they’d love to come back as well”. – Luke Parker

Follow Luke Parker here. For more information about Feel the Magic Camps, resources and research to help grieving kids heal, see our website and Grief Resource Hub.

About Feel the Magic Camps

We have a range of face-to-face and virtual Camps to help grieving kids face, feel and heal through their grief, no matter where they are.

All our Camps are run by trained mental health professionals and developed by clinical psychologists and people with a lived experience of grief.

At our Grief Resource Hub, you’ll find parent and guardian grief resources, connection activities for families, books, videos and TED talks, plus other grief support services.

Camper Mentor Group

Helping Kids Cope With Grief

Posted on | by Adam Blatch

He is one of Australia’s most respected positive psychology and parent speakers, an author and a researcher. He is the founder and owner of Happy Families Family Education.

Dr Justin Coulson invited Feel the Magic Co-Founder and National Virtual Program Lead, Kristy Thomas to his Happy Families podcast recently.

Many of us start the year with energy and feeling excited about life, but the reality is that sometimes hard things happen.

Episode #701: Kristy Thomas

During episode 701 of the Happy Families podcast – LISTEN HERE, Kristy shared the sad statistic that 1 in 20 children in Australia will lose a parent by the time they’re 18, what Feel the Magic is about and how best to support your grieving child.

Kristy also explained how:

  • grief can be isolating for children
  • Camp Magic can turn that feeling of isolation to inclusion amongst a community of other kids in similar situations
  • children usually respond to grief
  • parents should respond to their child’s grief
  • to feel it to heal it
  • to use your words intentionally
  • to look after yourself and your grief

Kristy said “Feel the Magic was born out of my own childhood bereavement as well as Co-Founder with my husband who had lost both his parents by the time he was 30. What we realised actually here in Australia is that there are minimal resources for children and parents to access to help kids through the worst time possible”.

Camp Magic – empowering kids to take control of their grief

Kristy further talked about Camp Magic, our signature and most in-demand three-day camp. We match every grieving child with an adult mentor that comes on the journey with them. They have someone sitting beside them on their journey. At every session during Camp, there is someone there with them to support them. We are there to empower kids to self-soothe, self-regulate, and take control of their grief.

“The biggest thing that’s amazing that comes along with these programs is they get to meet other kids like them. Part of what grief does to a kid is it isolates them. They become very different. They don’t know anyone else that is going through what they are. They don’t know how to talk about it with other people. And so when instantly they meet other kids going through the same thing, suddenly their world opens up to say I am not the only one. There’s a way forward” said Kristy.

Listen to the full podcast here, or on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify or iHeartRADIO.

About Feel the Magic

Kristy Thomas and her husband James founded Feel the Feel the Magic in 2013, driven by their personal experiences with grief and a mission to ensure no Australian child goes through grief alone.

We proudly continue this mission and have helped over 1,200 kids and their families through free camps, resources, research to help grieving kids heal.

As a leading charity dedicated exclusively to grieving children, we provide:

  • Evidence-based programs developed by a clinical psychologist
  • Free in-person and virtual camps for grieving kids
  • Grief support communities for teens, children and families
  • Free online resources and support

For more resources to help navigate childhood grief, please explore our Grief Resource Hub. If you’re interested in connecting your child and yourself to a community of people who understand you, and to mentors who can teach you about grief and give you the tools to heal, then please look into our free camps. If you need immediate mental health support for you or your child, please get in touch with a helpline.