Tag: child grief support

Adult and child sitting on the floor talking

A Guide on How to Teach Children About Death

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Teaching children about death requires honesty and simple, age-appropriate information. 

Understanding your child’s knowledge and comprehension of death at different developmental stages is helpful when supporting your child through their grief. 

Understanding death at different ages 

Preschool-aged children mostly understand death as temporary and reversible. Children between the ages of five and nine begin to understand that all living things eventually die, however, they tend not to relate death to themselves.

Children at around the age of nine through to adolescence begin to fully understand that death is irreversible, and they too will die one day.  

Camper at Camp Magic learning grief strategies
Campers at Camp Magic exploring their feelings

6 Ways to Teach Your Child about Death 

  • Take things slowly 

The first step when teaching a child about death is to have a firm grasp of their cognitive and emotional understanding of death. Use this information to guide you, as well as patience and persistence. 

Children process death gradually over time. Don’t sit them down once, overwhelm them with information and expect them to internalise it all immediately. 

Over a certain period, expect your child to ask various questions. Answer them consistently. As painful as it is, answer them honestly because it will help them start to grasp the finality of death.  

  • Be honest and clear 

Use simple, clear and direct words when teaching a child about death. It is also important to pause and give your child a moment to take in your words. Try to avoid euphemisms like, ‘She’s in a better place,’ because they can be scary and confusing for children. 

Use the word ‘death’ to avoid confusion. You could say “Your dad died. When people die their body stops working and you won’t be able to see them again”. If your child responds by asking whether the person’s body can be fixed, say “when a body stops working, it can never start again”. Click here to read the blog ‘What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies’.  

  • Build Emotional Literacy 

By consistently labelling and modelling your own emotions, you are acting as an emotional role model for a child. Labelling some of your own feelings will make it easier for a child to share theirs. 

Another way to build emotional literacy is to use “feelings cards” or illustrations to introduce emotion vocabulary to children. Asking a child to describe what they are feeling is an important part of developing emotional literacy. If a child sees you cry, explain what you are feeling and why. An important part of teaching children about death is to show them that it is acceptable to cry and grieve. 

  • Explaining death and the body 

Consider your child’s age and maturity when helping them understand the physical aspect of death. Begin this part of the conversation by making sure the child understands that the body of the person who died does not work anymore and will never work again. 

Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you can also talk about what you and your family believe happens after death. An important part of teaching children about death is to try and make death a part of normal conversations with children. 

  • Explaining funerals 

An important part of teaching children about death is explaining funerals and memorial services. Clear descriptions of what will happen (e.g., religious symbols, casket, black clothing etc.) are helpful as children thrive on knowing what to expect. Remember, you don’t have to talk about everything at once. 

Explain the service in age-appropriate terms to help alleviate some of the anxiety that comes from not knowing what to expect. Let children know that they may feel a wide range of feelings as well, or they may not feel anything at all. Explain that sometimes our feelings come weeks or even months later.  

  • Children try to make sense of death by asking questions 

Teaching children about death often comes with questions about their own mortality and the death of others close to them. It is important to teach your child that some people only die when they are very old or very sick, but we will all die one day.  

Children may also wonder what happens when you die and how you answer this question depends on your personal or spiritual beliefs. Some children may find comfort in having something to focus on when thinking about a person who died, for example “when we see a star in the sky, we can think about Mum and how much she loved us”. However, avoid direct euphemisms which can confuse children (such as saying the stars in the sky are mum).   

For more support on how to teach children about death, read our guide How to teach children about death. 

If your family has experienced the death of a loved one, you and your child need to know that you are not alone. Feel the Magic support families through the difficult period following a death, and support children as they grieve the death of a loved one. Click here to find out more about our bereavement programs.  

Read More

What to Expect When Children Grieve 

Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 7 to 9 years 

Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 10 to 13 years 

Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 14 to 17 years 

Luke Parker Joins Feel the Magic as Proud Ambassador

Posted on | by Adam Blatch

Professional Australian rules footballer and Sydney Swans co-captain Luke Parker joins Feel the Magic as a proud Ambassador.

Luke is an accomplished footballer with impressive achievements. He has graciously pledged to support Feel the Magic and help us reach more families who need us.

We were fortunate to have Luke at a recent Camp Magic. He said, “For me, it’s about being able to give back in some way… and to be able to help where possible. I’m glad I’ve finally been able to come to camp and be a part of what it’s all about”.

Luke was inspired by the Campers’ resilience, the friendships and the bonds created.

“To come on board and be a part of the whole two-three days was something I will never forget. There were some sessions that were really moving…to build a bond with your Camper and see them grow and see them create friends and become really comfortable in the environment is something that was really inspiring.”

We are proud and immensely grateful to welcome Luke to our Feel the Magic community. Luke joins us to help raise awareness and funds to reach more grieving kids and families.

Adam Blatch, Chief Executive Officer Feel the Magic said “to have someone like Luke who is generous with his time to help us, help more kids, is a tremendous gift. His energy and commitment to give back is remarkable”.

“1 in 20 kids who have just lost a parent let alone a sibling who don’t know this is available or who are dealing with things on their own, I’d love just to help anyone I can to get them to Camp. The experience that I have had is 99% of the kids have gotten something from this camp and have all said they’d love to come back as well”. – Luke Parker

Follow Luke Parker here. For more information about Feel the Magic Camps, resources and research to help grieving kids heal, see our website and Grief Resource Hub.

About Feel the Magic Camps

We have a range of face-to-face and virtual Camps to help grieving kids face, feel and heal through their grief, no matter where they are.

All our Camps are run by trained mental health professionals and developed by clinical psychologists and people with a lived experience of grief.

At our Grief Resource Hub, you’ll find parent and guardian grief resources, connection activities for families, books, videos and TED talks, plus other grief support services.

Helping Kids Cope With Grief

Posted on | by FTMadmin

He is one of Australia’s most respected positive psychology and parent speakers, an author and a researcher. He is the founder and owner of Happy Families Family Education.

Dr Justin Coulson invited Feel the Magic Co-Founder and National Virtual Program Lead, Kristy Thomas to his Happy Families podcast recently.

Many of us start the year with energy and feeling excited about life, but the reality is that sometimes hard things happen.

Episode #701: Kristy Thomas

During episode 701 of the Happy Families podcast – LISTEN HERE, Kristy shared the sad statistic that 1 in 20 children in Australia will lose a parent by the time they’re 18, what Feel the Magic is about and how best to support your grieving child.

Kristy also explained how:

  • grief can be isolating for children
  • Camp Magic can turn that feeling of isolation to inclusion amongst a community of other kids in similar situations
  • children usually respond to grief
  • parents should respond to their child’s grief
  • to feel it to heal it
  • to use your words intentionally
  • to look after yourself and your grief

Kristy said “Feel the Magic was born out of my own childhood bereavement as well as Co-Founder with my husband who had lost both his parents by the time he was 30. What we realised actually here in Australia is that there are minimal resources for children and parents to access to help kids through the worst time possible”.

Camp Magic – empowering kids to take control of their grief

Kristy further talked about Camp Magic, our signature and most in-demand three-day camp. We match every grieving child with an adult mentor that comes on the journey with them. They have someone sitting beside them on their journey. At every session during Camp, there is someone there with them to support them. We are there to empower kids to self-soothe, self-regulate, and take control of their grief.

“The biggest thing that’s amazing that comes along with these programs is they get to meet other kids like them. Part of what grief does to a kid is it isolates them. They become very different. They don’t know anyone else that is going through what they are. They don’t know how to talk about it with other people. And so when instantly they meet other kids going through the same thing, suddenly their world opens up to say I am not the only one. There’s a way forward” said Kristy.

Listen to the full podcast here, or on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify or iHeartRADIO.

About Feel the Magic

Kristy Thomas and her husband James founded Feel the Feel the Magic in 2013, driven by their personal experiences with grief and a mission to ensure no Australian child goes through grief alone.

We proudly continue this mission and have helped over 1,200 kids and their families through free camps, resources, research to help grieving kids heal.

As a leading charity dedicated exclusively to grieving children, we provide:

  • Evidence-based programs developed by a clinical psychologist
  • Free in-person and virtual camps for grieving kids
  • Grief support communities for teens, children and families
  • Free online resources and support

For more resources to help navigate childhood grief, please explore our Grief Resource Hub. If you’re interested in connecting your child and yourself to a community of people who understand you, and to mentors who can teach you about grief and give you the tools to heal, then please look into our free camps. If you need immediate mental health support for you or your child, please get in touch with a helpline.

What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

The death of a parent is a very difficult situation for a child to face. Unfortunately, 1 in 20 Australian children will experience the death of a parent, and it is the responsibility of the adults in their lives to guide and support them through their grief. It’s hard to know what to say to a child when their parent dies.

Grief is an emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting process, so make sure you practice self-care. Although you may feel the need to be available to your child at all times, it’s important that you also look after yourself and your own grief. Here are some recommendations on how to approach the topic of death and what to say to a child when a parent dies.

How to tell a child their parent has died

Telling a child their parent has died will always be difficult. If you’re lost for words and don’t know what to say to a child when a parent dies, you’re not alone. Death is an uncomfortable topic for adults, so we often avoid discussing it with our children. However, delaying the news of their parent’s death or trying to soften your words will not help you child nor will it lessen their pain.

If you are in a position where you need to inform a child of their parent’s death, this is what you can do:

  • Create a safe space: You should choose a quiet space where you can talk without distractions. Include another adult if their presence will comfort your child or you.
  • Be prompt & honest: When approaching your child about the death of their parent, use care and be direct: “I need to tell you something important that will be hard to talk about. Dad died today.” Pause, give your child a moment to process this information, and answer the questions they ask you honestly. Use age-appropriate language when discussing the details of the death, if you have multiple children then start with the language appropriate for the youngest child.
  • Be straight-forward: Selecting the right words is important when deciding what to say to a child when a parent dies. Use words when talking about the death, like “died”, “death”, and “cancer”. Euphemisms like “passed away”, “not well”, and “went away” are too vague and can confuse children. They also might lead to your child jumping to wrong conclusions, like thinking everyone who is sick will die, or their parent will come back.
  • Establish open communication: Your child will have a lot of questions, and you may not know all the answers. This is ok, you just need to keep the lines of communication open so your child feels comfortable voicing their thoughts and feelings. Talk about your feelings and show that you are available to answer questions they have. Including your child in your grief and keeping them informed will help them feel more in control and secure in the knowledge that your family will get through this together.
  • Provide comfort: Children will react differently to the news their parent has died, some will cry, some will ask questions, some will get angry, and some may not seem to react at all. It is important that you remain close to your child during the conversation, reinforce that you are both safe, offer hugs, and highlight that they will be cared for and loved no matter what. Body language and non-verbal communication can be just as important as what you say to a child when their parent dies.
  • “You are not to blame”: Children tend to believe they cause things to happen by what they say or do, so you need to reassure them by emphasising that their parent’s death wasn’t caused by anything they said or did.
  • Discuss next steps: The death of a parent will inevitably change your child’s regular routine. Be clear about any new arrangements that have been made so your child can anticipate those changes, for example: “I will pick you up from school like Mum used to.”
  • Funerals & Memorials: You need to include your child in mourning rituals, like viewings, funerals, and memorials. Make sure you explain ahead of time what they should expect. Offer your child a role in the rituals as even a small role can help them take control of the emotional situation and give them a memory of being involved in the collective grief. Of course, you should let your child decide whether or not they would like to take part.

For more information on what to say to a child when a parent dies and how to parent your child through the initial stages of grief, visit our parenting resources hub, or download our brochures on parenting through immediate loss for children aged 7-9, 10-13, or 14-17.

How to support your child after the death of a parent

Once the funeral is over, normal life returns, but it is difficult because normal life for you and your child is different to what it was before the death. There is no easy or correct way to navigate these changes, but here are some ideas for you to consider:

Communication is vital

The death of a parent is traumatic for children, it can make them feel the world is no longer a safe place. They will have a lot of questions, concerns, thoughts, and feelings, you need to make sure they feel comfortable expressing all of them to you. By listening intently and supportively, you can create a sense of safety and support for your child, which will be both reassuring and comforting to them.

You may not always have all the answers, and you may not always know the “right thing” to say to a child when a parent dies, but this isn’t what your child needs. Instead of going straight into problem-solving mode, you should feel with your child. Confronting and working through difficult emotions together will help your child learn to accept and manage them more effectively.

Maintain continuity

Try to maintain your child’s typical routine to the best of your ability, this includes their normal roles and responsibilities at home, in school, and in the community. They will wish to withdraw from these activities in the initial weeks after the death, this is understandable and you should give them this space, but re-engaging in these normal routines is important for your child’s health. It also allows them to move forward in their grieving process.

Physical and family connection

Give hugs! You and your child are going through a very lonely and trying time, hugs and cuddles will help both of you feel connected, and it will give your child a sense of safety and support. If you need some ideas on appropriate connection activities following the death of a parent, access our list of activities here. You can also seek support from family and friends to help look after your child following the death, this will reinforce to your child that they are surrounding by a loving support network and it will give you a break when your own grieving process becomes overwhelming.

Empower your child

When possible, give your child choices and respect their thoughts and decisions. They have opinions and they will feel valued when they’re given a voice in important matters. Leaving your child out of decisions regarding their parent’s memorialisation can hinder their grieving process.

Remember their parent

Keep pictures of their parent in the house, create a memory box with your child, go through rituals and remembrance activities – although it can be painful to be reminded of the person who has died, it’s important for you and your child to reflect on happy moments and fond memories. This will help you both process your emotions and will move you along in the grieving process.

Ultimately, what you want to do is create a safe and eventually happy environment for you and your child. For more information on what to say to a child when a parent dies and how to parent your child through the initial stages of grief, visit our parenting resources hub, or download our brochures on parenting in the first year after a death for children aged 7-9, 10-13, or 14-17.

Grief Services and Support

Although the death of your child’s parent can make you and your child feel lonely, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. When you feel overwhelmed, you should practice self-care and reach out to access additional grief support services.

Feel the Magic offers free camps to help support you and your child in the difficult time following the death of a parent. If you would like to join a support network of other families who understand what you’re currently experiencing, you should join our grief community. Have more questions about what to say to a child when a parent dies or how to support a child through their grieving process? Please submit an enquiry and we will contact you as soon as possible.

Read More

Supporting Children and Teens Through Grief, Anniversaries and Significant Events

What to Expect When Children Grieve

Feel the Magic partner Erebus unveils Gen3s ahead of Supercars Championship

Posted on | by Adam Blatch

Our friends and loyal partner Erebus Motorsport recently launched their brand new Gen3 vehicles for this year’s Supercars Championship.

The new-look team launched its campaign with drivers Brodie Kostecki and Will Brown at Warner Bros. Movie World on the Gold Coast.

Erebus Motorsport launch Gen3 supercars
Betty Klimenko AM, owner Erebus Motorsport and Feel the Magic Ambassador

Feel the Magic has gratefully been the Erebus team’s charity partner since 2018, also supported by the Shaw Partners Foundation, featured proudly on the Supercars.

Betty Klimenko AM, owner of Erebus Motorsport and loyal Feel the Magic ambassador, along with the Shaw and Partners Foundation have pledged their support and hundreds of thousands of dollars to Feel the Magic over the years.

Feel the Magic Chief Executive Officer Adam Blatch is grateful to Erebus Sport and the Shaw and Partners Foundation’s generosity.

“We feel very privileged to be a charity partner with Erebus Motorsport and are so grateful for the support they provide to Feel the Magic and the grieving kids we serve,” Blatch said. “What the Shaw and Partners Foundation provides to charities is remarkable and we are very appreciative”.

The Erebus team will hit the track in their Gen3 Camaros at Sydney Motorsport Park on February 22.

We wish the Erebus team well for the 2023 season and look forward to being a charity partner again in 2023.

Child in blue Camp Magic t-shirt sitting by the river

Preparing for the Death of a Sibling – 5 Ways to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

The death of a sibling is a tremendous loss for a child. Children may face a range of feelings and thoughts following the death of a sibling. These feelings can be further complicated if their sibling faced a prolonged illness or terminal diagnosis.

Grief can happen while expecting a loss

Although grief is often understood to happen after a loss occurs, grief can occur for those expecting a loss as well – this is called “anticipatory grief”.

Siblings of children facing a terminal illness may experience anticipatory grief in the months, weeks and days before the death.

Anticipatory grief can carry many of the symptoms of regular grief, including sadness, guilt, anger and isolation.

Older children and teenagers that are aware of the impending death might experience an overwhelming sense of anxiety in the lead-up to their sibling’s passing. They might also grieve the loss of their sibling’s abilities and independence, their loss of cognition, loss of hope, loss of future dreams, loss of security, and a loss of identity.

Anticipatory grief may also result in feelings of relief when the death eventually occurs, and guilt that can come with that relief. These feelings are common and normal.

5 ways to cope with anticipatory grief

  1. Find someone to talk to about your feelings. This may be a close family member, school teacher, social worker, or professional counsellor or psychologist. 
  2. Keep a journal to record and work through your feelings. 
  3. Try to maintain a healthy, balanced diet, and find adequate time to exercise and engage in self-care. 
  4. Try meditation or relaxation exercises to soothe the body’s physiological stress responses.
  5. Consider creative outlets to express your feelings. 

When a sibling is terminally ill, children adjust to this significant loss, and the impact on their parents.

Parents are often overwhelmed with their own grief and may need help addressing the needs of grieving siblings.

A surviving child may feel the need to “fill in” for the terminally ill child or the child who has died or may worry that the parents would have preferred if he or she had died rather than the sibling. It is important for parents to recognise the grief of surviving siblings and support them.

Common Grief Responses in Children of Different Ages

Following the death of a sibling, every child copes differently and there is no right way to work through feelings of grief. Below are the common grief responses in children of different ages.

Children under the age of 5 may:

  • Be affected by the emotions of those around them.
  •  Grieve in doses, alternating between displaying grief and playing as if nothing has happened.
  •  Ask confronting questions about death.
  •  Seek attention or show signs of insecurity.
  •  Feel guilty or responsible for their sibling’s death.
  •  Digress developmentally e.g. bed wetting.
  •  Act out their feelings or use play and toys.

Children of primary school age may: 

  • See death as reversible or become more anxious about the possibility of other close loved ones dying.
  • Be curious about death, and burial rituals and ask detailed questions.
  • Take time to absorb the reality of what happened and may not appear immediately affected by the death.
  • Be quick to blame themselves for their sibling’s death.
  • Worry about their parents who are grieving and feel a sense of responsibility for making them happy again.
  • Act out feelings rather than talk about them.
  • Be concerned about what their peers think and have a sense of isolation or separation.

Teenagers may: 

  • Grieve in doses, breaking their grief into bearable amounts, but this can sometimes result in intense outbursts.
  • Experience many emotions and thoughts that come and go, which can feel confusing, and at times overwhelming.
  • Feel guilty that they were unable to save their sibling.
  • Not want to talk about their grief.
  • Have problems sleeping or oversleeping.
  • Feel isolated or separated from their peers.

How to support children bereaved by the death of a sibling 

  • Encourage them to share their grief with other family members. This may help them work through the pain and sadness they are experiencing. 
  • Find support outside the family. Whilst it can be helpful to seek support from family members, it can also be hard for some family members to provide consolation while coping with their own grief. Consider the support of a teacher, psychologist or counsellor. An organisation such as Feel the Magic is also a great setting to receive support.  
  • Help them find ways to remember their sibling. Finding ways to memorialise their lost loved one can help keep his or her memory alive and maintain a feeling of connection. They might decide to make a family memory book with pictures or stories. 
  • Consider volunteering with a related charity or one that was important to the bereaved sibling.
  • Ensure their mental health is taken care of too. Feeling extremely sad or numb are normal reactions to the loss of a sibling. Although sometimes these and other symptoms do not lessen over time, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety or anger can begin to affect their daily life. If grief is becoming too difficult to manage alone, seek adequate professional support if needed. We have curated a list of other grief support organisations here.

Information and support are available

For more information to help you through a range of challenges, see our Grief Resource Hub. It is full of parenting resources, segmented into age-appropriate sections, to guide you through all stages of the grieving process. It covers everything from parenting through a terminal illness, to coping with anniversaries, how to speak to a child after an immediate loss to getting through the first 12 months and beyond. Additional grief support services can be found here.

Read More

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