Tag: child bereavement support

Adult and child sitting on the floor talking

A Guide on How to Teach Children About Death

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Teaching children about death requires honesty and simple, age-appropriate information. 

Understanding your child’s knowledge and comprehension of death at different developmental stages is helpful when supporting your child through their grief. 

Understanding death at different ages 

Preschool-aged children mostly understand death as temporary and reversible. Children between the ages of five and nine begin to understand that all living things eventually die, however, they tend not to relate death to themselves.

Children at around the age of nine through to adolescence begin to fully understand that death is irreversible, and they too will die one day.  

Camper at Camp Magic learning grief strategies
Campers at Camp Magic exploring their feelings

6 Ways to Teach Your Child about Death 

  • Take things slowly 

The first step when teaching a child about death is to have a firm grasp of their cognitive and emotional understanding of death. Use this information to guide you, as well as patience and persistence. 

Children process death gradually over time. Don’t sit them down once, overwhelm them with information and expect them to internalise it all immediately. 

Over a certain period, expect your child to ask various questions. Answer them consistently. As painful as it is, answer them honestly because it will help them start to grasp the finality of death.  

  • Be honest and clear 

Use simple, clear and direct words when teaching a child about death. It is also important to pause and give your child a moment to take in your words. Try to avoid euphemisms like, ‘She’s in a better place,’ because they can be scary and confusing for children. 

Use the word ‘death’ to avoid confusion. You could say “Your dad died. When people die their body stops working and you won’t be able to see them again”. If your child responds by asking whether the person’s body can be fixed, say “when a body stops working, it can never start again”. Click here to read the blog ‘What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies’.  

  • Build Emotional Literacy 

By consistently labelling and modelling your own emotions, you are acting as an emotional role model for a child. Labelling some of your own feelings will make it easier for a child to share theirs. 

Another way to build emotional literacy is to use “feelings cards” or illustrations to introduce emotion vocabulary to children. Asking a child to describe what they are feeling is an important part of developing emotional literacy. If a child sees you cry, explain what you are feeling and why. An important part of teaching children about death is to show them that it is acceptable to cry and grieve. 

  • Explaining death and the body 

Consider your child’s age and maturity when helping them understand the physical aspect of death. Begin this part of the conversation by making sure the child understands that the body of the person who died does not work anymore and will never work again. 

Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you can also talk about what you and your family believe happens after death. An important part of teaching children about death is to try and make death a part of normal conversations with children. 

  • Explaining funerals 

An important part of teaching children about death is explaining funerals and memorial services. Clear descriptions of what will happen (e.g., religious symbols, casket, black clothing etc.) are helpful as children thrive on knowing what to expect. Remember, you don’t have to talk about everything at once. 

Explain the service in age-appropriate terms to help alleviate some of the anxiety that comes from not knowing what to expect. Let children know that they may feel a wide range of feelings as well, or they may not feel anything at all. Explain that sometimes our feelings come weeks or even months later.  

  • Children try to make sense of death by asking questions 

Teaching children about death often comes with questions about their own mortality and the death of others close to them. It is important to teach your child that some people only die when they are very old or very sick, but we will all die one day.  

Children may also wonder what happens when you die and how you answer this question depends on your personal or spiritual beliefs. Some children may find comfort in having something to focus on when thinking about a person who died, for example “when we see a star in the sky, we can think about Mum and how much she loved us”. However, avoid direct euphemisms which can confuse children (such as saying the stars in the sky are mum).   

For more support on how to teach children about death, read our guide How to teach children about death. 

If your family has experienced the death of a loved one, you and your child need to know that you are not alone. Feel the Magic support families through the difficult period following a death, and support children as they grieve the death of a loved one. Click here to find out more about our bereavement programs.  

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Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 14 to 17 years 

Helping Kids Cope With Grief

Posted on | by FTMadmin

He is one of Australia’s most respected positive psychology and parent speakers, an author and a researcher. He is the founder and owner of Happy Families Family Education.

Dr Justin Coulson invited Feel the Magic Co-Founder and National Virtual Program Lead, Kristy Thomas to his Happy Families podcast recently.

Many of us start the year with energy and feeling excited about life, but the reality is that sometimes hard things happen.

Episode #701: Kristy Thomas

During episode 701 of the Happy Families podcast – LISTEN HERE, Kristy shared the sad statistic that 1 in 20 children in Australia will lose a parent by the time they’re 18, what Feel the Magic is about and how best to support your grieving child.

Kristy also explained how:

  • grief can be isolating for children
  • Camp Magic can turn that feeling of isolation to inclusion amongst a community of other kids in similar situations
  • children usually respond to grief
  • parents should respond to their child’s grief
  • to feel it to heal it
  • to use your words intentionally
  • to look after yourself and your grief

Kristy said “Feel the Magic was born out of my own childhood bereavement as well as Co-Founder with my husband who had lost both his parents by the time he was 30. What we realised actually here in Australia is that there are minimal resources for children and parents to access to help kids through the worst time possible”.

Camp Magic – empowering kids to take control of their grief

Kristy further talked about Camp Magic, our signature and most in-demand three-day camp. We match every grieving child with an adult mentor that comes on the journey with them. They have someone sitting beside them on their journey. At every session during Camp, there is someone there with them to support them. We are there to empower kids to self-soothe, self-regulate, and take control of their grief.

“The biggest thing that’s amazing that comes along with these programs is they get to meet other kids like them. Part of what grief does to a kid is it isolates them. They become very different. They don’t know anyone else that is going through what they are. They don’t know how to talk about it with other people. And so when instantly they meet other kids going through the same thing, suddenly their world opens up to say I am not the only one. There’s a way forward” said Kristy.

Listen to the full podcast here, or on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify or iHeartRADIO.

About Feel the Magic

Kristy Thomas and her husband James founded Feel the Feel the Magic in 2013, driven by their personal experiences with grief and a mission to ensure no Australian child goes through grief alone.

We proudly continue this mission and have helped over 1,200 kids and their families through free camps, resources, research to help grieving kids heal.

As a leading charity dedicated exclusively to grieving children, we provide:

  • Evidence-based programs developed by a clinical psychologist
  • Free in-person and virtual camps for grieving kids
  • Grief support communities for teens, children and families
  • Free online resources and support

For more resources to help navigate childhood grief, please explore our Grief Resource Hub. If you’re interested in connecting your child and yourself to a community of people who understand you, and to mentors who can teach you about grief and give you the tools to heal, then please look into our free camps. If you need immediate mental health support for you or your child, please get in touch with a helpline.

What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

The death of a parent is a very difficult situation for a child to face. Unfortunately, 1 in 20 Australian children will experience the death of a parent, and it is the responsibility of the adults in their lives to guide and support them through their grief. It’s hard to know what to say to a child when their parent dies.

Grief is an emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting process, so make sure you practice self-care. Although you may feel the need to be available to your child at all times, it’s important that you also look after yourself and your own grief. Here are some recommendations on how to approach the topic of death and what to say to a child when a parent dies.

How to tell a child their parent has died

Telling a child their parent has died will always be difficult. If you’re lost for words and don’t know what to say to a child when a parent dies, you’re not alone. Death is an uncomfortable topic for adults, so we often avoid discussing it with our children. However, delaying the news of their parent’s death or trying to soften your words will not help you child nor will it lessen their pain.

If you are in a position where you need to inform a child of their parent’s death, this is what you can do:

  • Create a safe space: You should choose a quiet space where you can talk without distractions. Include another adult if their presence will comfort your child or you.
  • Be prompt & honest: When approaching your child about the death of their parent, use care and be direct: “I need to tell you something important that will be hard to talk about. Dad died today.” Pause, give your child a moment to process this information, and answer the questions they ask you honestly. Use age-appropriate language when discussing the details of the death, if you have multiple children then start with the language appropriate for the youngest child.
  • Be straight-forward: Selecting the right words is important when deciding what to say to a child when a parent dies. Use words when talking about the death, like “died”, “death”, and “cancer”. Euphemisms like “passed away”, “not well”, and “went away” are too vague and can confuse children. They also might lead to your child jumping to wrong conclusions, like thinking everyone who is sick will die, or their parent will come back.
  • Establish open communication: Your child will have a lot of questions, and you may not know all the answers. This is ok, you just need to keep the lines of communication open so your child feels comfortable voicing their thoughts and feelings. Talk about your feelings and show that you are available to answer questions they have. Including your child in your grief and keeping them informed will help them feel more in control and secure in the knowledge that your family will get through this together.
  • Provide comfort: Children will react differently to the news their parent has died, some will cry, some will ask questions, some will get angry, and some may not seem to react at all. It is important that you remain close to your child during the conversation, reinforce that you are both safe, offer hugs, and highlight that they will be cared for and loved no matter what. Body language and non-verbal communication can be just as important as what you say to a child when their parent dies.
  • “You are not to blame”: Children tend to believe they cause things to happen by what they say or do, so you need to reassure them by emphasising that their parent’s death wasn’t caused by anything they said or did.
  • Discuss next steps: The death of a parent will inevitably change your child’s regular routine. Be clear about any new arrangements that have been made so your child can anticipate those changes, for example: “I will pick you up from school like Mum used to.”
  • Funerals & Memorials: You need to include your child in mourning rituals, like viewings, funerals, and memorials. Make sure you explain ahead of time what they should expect. Offer your child a role in the rituals as even a small role can help them take control of the emotional situation and give them a memory of being involved in the collective grief. Of course, you should let your child decide whether or not they would like to take part.

For more information on what to say to a child when a parent dies and how to parent your child through the initial stages of grief, visit our parenting resources hub, or download our brochures on parenting through immediate loss for children aged 7-9, 10-13, or 14-17.

How to support your child after the death of a parent

Once the funeral is over, normal life returns, but it is difficult because normal life for you and your child is different to what it was before the death. There is no easy or correct way to navigate these changes, but here are some ideas for you to consider:

Communication is vital

The death of a parent is traumatic for children, it can make them feel the world is no longer a safe place. They will have a lot of questions, concerns, thoughts, and feelings, you need to make sure they feel comfortable expressing all of them to you. By listening intently and supportively, you can create a sense of safety and support for your child, which will be both reassuring and comforting to them.

You may not always have all the answers, and you may not always know the “right thing” to say to a child when a parent dies, but this isn’t what your child needs. Instead of going straight into problem-solving mode, you should feel with your child. Confronting and working through difficult emotions together will help your child learn to accept and manage them more effectively.

Maintain continuity

Try to maintain your child’s typical routine to the best of your ability, this includes their normal roles and responsibilities at home, in school, and in the community. They will wish to withdraw from these activities in the initial weeks after the death, this is understandable and you should give them this space, but re-engaging in these normal routines is important for your child’s health. It also allows them to move forward in their grieving process.

Physical and family connection

Give hugs! You and your child are going through a very lonely and trying time, hugs and cuddles will help both of you feel connected, and it will give your child a sense of safety and support. If you need some ideas on appropriate connection activities following the death of a parent, access our list of activities here. You can also seek support from family and friends to help look after your child following the death, this will reinforce to your child that they are surrounding by a loving support network and it will give you a break when your own grieving process becomes overwhelming.

Empower your child

When possible, give your child choices and respect their thoughts and decisions. They have opinions and they will feel valued when they’re given a voice in important matters. Leaving your child out of decisions regarding their parent’s memorialisation can hinder their grieving process.

Remember their parent

Keep pictures of their parent in the house, create a memory box with your child, go through rituals and remembrance activities – although it can be painful to be reminded of the person who has died, it’s important for you and your child to reflect on happy moments and fond memories. This will help you both process your emotions and will move you along in the grieving process.

Ultimately, what you want to do is create a safe and eventually happy environment for you and your child. For more information on what to say to a child when a parent dies and how to parent your child through the initial stages of grief, visit our parenting resources hub, or download our brochures on parenting in the first year after a death for children aged 7-9, 10-13, or 14-17.

Grief Services and Support

Although the death of your child’s parent can make you and your child feel lonely, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. When you feel overwhelmed, you should practice self-care and reach out to access additional grief support services.

Feel the Magic offers free camps to help support you and your child in the difficult time following the death of a parent. If you would like to join a support network of other families who understand what you’re currently experiencing, you should join our grief community. Have more questions about what to say to a child when a parent dies or how to support a child through their grieving process? Please submit an enquiry and we will contact you as soon as possible.

Read More

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Child in blue Camp Magic t-shirt sitting by the river

Preparing for the Death of a Sibling – 5 Ways to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

The death of a sibling is a tremendous loss for a child. Children may face a range of feelings and thoughts following the death of a sibling. These feelings can be further complicated if their sibling faced a prolonged illness or terminal diagnosis.

Grief can happen while expecting a loss

Although grief is often understood to happen after a loss occurs, grief can occur for those expecting a loss as well – this is called “anticipatory grief”.

Siblings of children facing a terminal illness may experience anticipatory grief in the months, weeks and days before the death.

Anticipatory grief can carry many of the symptoms of regular grief, including sadness, guilt, anger and isolation.

Older children and teenagers that are aware of the impending death might experience an overwhelming sense of anxiety in the lead-up to their sibling’s passing. They might also grieve the loss of their sibling’s abilities and independence, their loss of cognition, loss of hope, loss of future dreams, loss of security, and a loss of identity.

Anticipatory grief may also result in feelings of relief when the death eventually occurs, and guilt that can come with that relief. These feelings are common and normal.

5 ways to cope with anticipatory grief

  1. Find someone to talk to about your feelings. This may be a close family member, school teacher, social worker, or professional counsellor or psychologist. 
  2. Keep a journal to record and work through your feelings. 
  3. Try to maintain a healthy, balanced diet, and find adequate time to exercise and engage in self-care. 
  4. Try meditation or relaxation exercises to soothe the body’s physiological stress responses.
  5. Consider creative outlets to express your feelings. 

When a sibling is terminally ill, children adjust to this significant loss, and the impact on their parents.

Parents are often overwhelmed with their own grief and may need help addressing the needs of grieving siblings.

A surviving child may feel the need to “fill in” for the terminally ill child or the child who has died or may worry that the parents would have preferred if he or she had died rather than the sibling. It is important for parents to recognise the grief of surviving siblings and support them.

Common Grief Responses in Children of Different Ages

Following the death of a sibling, every child copes differently and there is no right way to work through feelings of grief. Below are the common grief responses in children of different ages.

Children under the age of 5 may:

  • Be affected by the emotions of those around them.
  •  Grieve in doses, alternating between displaying grief and playing as if nothing has happened.
  •  Ask confronting questions about death.
  •  Seek attention or show signs of insecurity.
  •  Feel guilty or responsible for their sibling’s death.
  •  Digress developmentally e.g. bed wetting.
  •  Act out their feelings or use play and toys.

Children of primary school age may: 

  • See death as reversible or become more anxious about the possibility of other close loved ones dying.
  • Be curious about death, and burial rituals and ask detailed questions.
  • Take time to absorb the reality of what happened and may not appear immediately affected by the death.
  • Be quick to blame themselves for their sibling’s death.
  • Worry about their parents who are grieving and feel a sense of responsibility for making them happy again.
  • Act out feelings rather than talk about them.
  • Be concerned about what their peers think and have a sense of isolation or separation.

Teenagers may: 

  • Grieve in doses, breaking their grief into bearable amounts, but this can sometimes result in intense outbursts.
  • Experience many emotions and thoughts that come and go, which can feel confusing, and at times overwhelming.
  • Feel guilty that they were unable to save their sibling.
  • Not want to talk about their grief.
  • Have problems sleeping or oversleeping.
  • Feel isolated or separated from their peers.

How to support children bereaved by the death of a sibling 

  • Encourage them to share their grief with other family members. This may help them work through the pain and sadness they are experiencing. 
  • Find support outside the family. Whilst it can be helpful to seek support from family members, it can also be hard for some family members to provide consolation while coping with their own grief. Consider the support of a teacher, psychologist or counsellor. An organisation such as Feel the Magic is also a great setting to receive support.  
  • Help them find ways to remember their sibling. Finding ways to memorialise their lost loved one can help keep his or her memory alive and maintain a feeling of connection. They might decide to make a family memory book with pictures or stories. 
  • Consider volunteering with a related charity or one that was important to the bereaved sibling.
  • Ensure their mental health is taken care of too. Feeling extremely sad or numb are normal reactions to the loss of a sibling. Although sometimes these and other symptoms do not lessen over time, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety or anger can begin to affect their daily life. If grief is becoming too difficult to manage alone, seek adequate professional support if needed. We have curated a list of other grief support organisations here.

Information and support are available

For more information to help you through a range of challenges, see our Grief Resource Hub. It is full of parenting resources, segmented into age-appropriate sections, to guide you through all stages of the grieving process. It covers everything from parenting through a terminal illness, to coping with anniversaries, how to speak to a child after an immediate loss to getting through the first 12 months and beyond. Additional grief support services can be found here.

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Children’s Understanding of Death at Different Ages

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Grasping the concept of death will vary for children of different ages and stages of development. 

Even though all children are unique and will respond to and understand death in their own unique way, children’s reactions to grief can depend on many factors including their developmental stage. 

It is also important to remember that children’s understanding of death will be developed over time, particularly as they navigate new experiences and are exposed to new concepts.  

Children under 5 years 

Children under the age of 5 do not understand the finality and permanency of death. They often think that death is reversible and that a loved one can come back. 

Whilst very young children have no understanding of the concept of death, they can still sense and react to changes in their environment and routine. They will experience feelings of loss and insecurity if a significant person is absent, which can manifest as increased crying or changes in their sleeping and feeding patterns in babies.  

Language to use  

Children under 5 years of age have a very literal understanding of concepts so it is important to use clear, honest, and simple language like “died”. When explaining death, it may be helpful to explain that death means a person’s body has stopped working, death happens to everyone at some point, and death can’t be reversed. Euphemisms such as “passed away” and “gone to sleep” may cause misunderstandings and confusion and should be avoided.  

Behaviour of young, bereaved children 

Toddlers and young children bereaved at this age may display increased irritability, withdrawal, clinginess and anxiety, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite, less interest in play, and they may regress in skills such as language or toilet training. They can be supported by keeping to normal routines and providing them with constant reassurance and love.  

Children aged 6 to 8 years 

Between the ages of 6 and 8, children gradually begin to develop an understanding that death is permanent and irreversible. 

Children’s imagination and ‘magical thinking’ at this age can mean that some children believe their thoughts or actions caused the death. This can lead to feelings of guilt. For example, “I didn’t brush my teeth and therefore mummy has died.”  

Give clear information 

It is important to give them clear information about the death and to help them understand that it’s not their fault, to avoid them filling in their knowledge gaps with incorrect assumptions.  

Thoughts and feelings 

As they become increasingly aware that death is an inevitable part of life that happens to all living things, they may become more anxious about their own, and others, health and safety. For example, they may demonstrate more separation anxiety than they exhibited prior to the bereavement. Children at this age will begin to think and feel strong emotions but they may not have the vocabulary to express themselves. It might be helpful to use books and other media to explain death and to help them understand the feelings they are experiencing.  

Children aged 9 to 12 years 

Children aged 9 to 12 usually understand the finality of death and that the person who died is not coming back. 

Awareness of the impact of the death 

Children at this age may also show increased interest in the biological and medical processes involved in death and dying. They are also more aware of the impact the death has on them, for example that their lost loved one won’t be there for important birthdays or milestones like moving to secondary school. 

By this age, children will have developed a vocabulary to understand their thoughts and feelings, however they might not want to share them.   

Provide reassurance 

Reassure your child that they are safe and try to keep to a normal routine and maintain normal boundaries around expected behaviour. You can also help them by giving them permission to talk about how they feel about the person who has died and any worries or concerns they might have. 

Teenagers and young adults 

Teenagers usually have an adult understanding of death and are much more aware of its finality and the impact of a loved one dying both now and in the long term. 

The meaning of life 

At this age, young people are starting to question the meaning of life and other philosophical concepts. For example, they might begin asking questions about what happens after death. Adolescence is a time of profound change, and it can also be difficult for teenagers to ask for support whilst trying to transition to adulthood. It is important to give them clear and honest information and ensure a trusted adult is their source of truth and clarity.  

Although they may have the developmental ability to understand the concept of death, this does not lessen the impact of grief and loss. The teenage grieving process is unique for every young person. 

Some teenagers react by withdrawing from others, whilst some might take on adult responsibilities and try to become the caregiver, and others might cope with the awareness of their own mortality through risk-taking behaviour. Grief might also manifest as difficulties concentrating and studying at school, or an increased need for control.  

Teenagers do not like to feel different from their peers and grieving as a young person can be extremely isolating. The support of peers with similar experiences can be enormously powerful and the bereavement programs offered by Feel the Magic help foster these peer relationships. 

It is also important to consider that children who have been bereaved at an earlier age may need to re-process their grief as they think about their future and fully understand the impact of life without the person who died, or experience milestones that trigger renewed grief. 

Grief Resources

Our Grief Resource Guide contains more information on supporting bereaved adolescents as they transition into adulthood.

Read More

What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies

Supporting Children and Teens Through Grief, Anniversaries and Significant Events

Picture of a Feel the Magic family on the remembrance tree

12 Ways to Remember Your Loved One this Christmas

Posted on | by Lucy Archinal-Hudson

For many families in our community, Christmas and the holiday season can be a difficult time.

Memories may serve as a constant reminder of a loss, and some families may experience heightened stress and sadness.

Feelings of grief may be rekindled as children reminisce about previous memories or as they create new ones. 

But there are special ways in which you can remember a loved one during this time and share in connection time as a family.

This guide 12 ways to remember your loved one at Christmas may help you and your kids missing a loved one. Including some tips from our own community.

Download Now!

In the coming days, some people in our community will share how they will remember their loved this Christmas. Follow along on our socials.

Do you need help guiding your grieving kids through Christmas? Read our tips to prepare grieving kids for the holiday season.

Plus, self-care for parents is important during the holiday season when there may be added pressures. This guide may help you to check-in with yourself at this busy time.

You are not alone, our grief community is online and our resources are available to read and watch any time.