bereaved child – Feel the Magic

1-in-20 Challenge: Taking Steps for Grieving Kids

Posted on October 17, 2023 | by Isabella Simantov

What is the 1-in-20 Challenge?

In Australia 1-in-20 children will lose a parent before they reach the age of 18. Every family that is struggling with grief deserves support, and together we can make a difference!

Walk or run 120km for grieving kids and their families, or start by aiming to raise a goal of $120. Together we can fund camps, research, and build on resources to help grieving kids across Australia.

By completing the 1-in-20 Challenge not only will you help grieving kids heal, but you and your family can gain from the health and wellbeing benefits of the challenge.

Benefits of Exercise in Adults and Children:

Improved mood state – Physical activity triggers the release of endorphins. These hormones can help our mood and reduce feelings of stress, anxiety and depression.
Lower levels of stress – Engaging in physical activity can lead to a sense of relaxation and calmness, helping to alleviate stress and tension.

Boost in self-esteem – Exercise can lead to a sense of accomplishment, which can contribute to an improvement in self-esteem and self-confidence.
Improved sleep – Regular physical activity can contribute to better sleep quality for children and adults.
Distraction – Exercise can be a helpful distraction from negative thoughts and ruminations.
Social interaction – Participating in group physical activities can provide children and adults with opportunities to interact with others, develop friendships, and improve their social skills. These interactions can help reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation, fostering a sense of belonging.
Emotional regulation – Physical activity provides a constructive outlet for negative feelings. Engaging in physical activity can teach children how to manage their emotions in a healthy way.

Cognitive benefits – Exercise has been shown to enhance cognitive function and brain health.

Girl walking with a dog on a path next to the beach. — *Feel the Magic Camper, Emily, participating in this year’s 1-in-20 Challenge*

Interview with Serenity McEwin, Pediatric Occupational Therapist

If you aren’t already inspired to continue to take part, or sign up, one of our incredible Feel the Magic volunteers has provided us with expert knowledge on the benefits of the 1-in-20 Challenge.

Serenity McEwin is a Pediatric Occupational Therapist supporting children and young people to be as independent as possible with the things they need and want to be doing. Serenity has answered some of our questions about the benefits of the challenge from her professional perspective.

From your OT perspective, what are the general benefits of exercise?

Increases our physical health, mental health, and quality of life.
Increases neural connections in the brain and enhances communication between both sides of our brain which positively impacts our cognition, ability to learn, our behaviour, and our attention.
Regulates our sensory and nervous systems – movement can be calming or alerting.
Helps to develop the fine and gross motor skills needed for learning, play, and everyday life skills.

Can alleviate sleep-related problems.

From your OT perspective, what are the benefits of walking and talking for language development?

Walking and movement wakes our brain up. Neuroscience shows us that movement improves the brains cognitive regulation skills, that is, the ability to focus, think clearly and logically, plan, organise, create and be empathetic. Therefore, we can expect the quality of our conversations during a walk to be greater.

A walk and talk is an opportunity for back-and-forth conversation, which activates the part of our brain responsible for language production and processing.

During a walk, parents can model and facilitate asking questions, making comments, and expanding on words and ideas.

Why is the 1-in-20 Challenge beneficial for grieving kids?

Research shows us that taking a sideways approach to talking with our kids (conversing while engaged in an activity, where eye contact is optional) helps them to feel more comfortable and relaxed, which leads to more open communication.

In terms of walking and talking, exercise releases endorphins, serotonin and dopamine, and positive social connection releases oxytocin, all of which are feel good chemicals that promote feelings of happiness and wellbeing. These feel-good chemicals give us the power to regulate our emotional responses and relieve discomfort.

Walking also provides an escape from grief through distraction – and even better if out in nature, which is shown to lower the stress hormone cortisol.

Why are family activities beneficial from your perspective?

Family group activities help us to feel seen, heard and valued – they increase our sense of connection to our caregivers and/or siblings. The more connected we feel to others, the less likely we will respond with maladaptive behaviours when times get tough, and the more likely we are to bounce back after hardship.

Connection also supports us to develop social skills so that we can increase connections outside of our family, a factor which is strongly linked to wellbeing.

Father and daughter smiling — *Emily and her Dad, Geoff*

Benefits of exercising as a family:

One of the greatest benefits of this challenge is the social interaction that it facilitates for grieving families. Whether you undertake this challenge as a family, with friends, or with other grieving families in the Feel the Magic community, exercising with others can have numerous benefits that extend beyond our physical health.

Some of the benefits of exercising as a family include:

Quality time – Exercising together allows for dedicated quality time, away from screens and daily distractions.
Role modelling – A parent/guardian who prioritises exercise sets a positive example for children.
Positive memories – Shared physical activities can create positive associations with exercise for children.

Teamwork and cooperation – Exercising as a family can foster stronger family bonds through teamwork and cooperation.
Communication – Exercising together provides opportunities for open communication, allowing family members to share thoughts and connect.
Social interaction – Exercising with others enhances interpersonal skills and strengthens relationships.

Now that you know the benefits of participating in the 1-in-20 Challenge, it’s not too late to join if you haven’t signed up yet. Here is how you can take part:

Set up your profile as an individual or as a team and invite others to participate

Tell your colleagues, family and friends and ask for donations

Feel good knowing every step you take will change the lives of grieving kids

Check out Serenity’s pages:

facebook.com/firstplaythengrow
instagram.com/firstplaythengrow

Top tips to cope with Father’s Day

Posted on August 31, 2023 | by Isabella Simantov

Father’s Day can be a difficult day for many children grieving the death of their dad or a significant male in their life.

Many people struggle to know what to say to a grieving child. It is through the fear of saying the wrong thing, they often say nothing at all, leaving the child feeling even more isolated and alone.

You may be wondering what the best way is to support grieving children during difficult times. The following tips may be useful this Father’s Day:

Plan ahead

A reminder that Father’s Day is coming up is a helpful way to begin the conversation around what they want to do for it.

It is important to not assume you know what they will want. What they did last year might be exactly what they want to do again – or they might want to do something completely different. Similarly, some families may like to revisit old traditions, whereas others may like to invent something new for Father’s Day.

Provide Comfort

By simply taking the time to let a grieving child know that you are there and thinking of them, shows them that they are not alone this Father’s Day.

Grieving children often feel isolated from their friends and community. Others around them may not have experienced bereavement and loss like they have. They can feel detached and alone, especially on significant days like Father’s Day.

Consider different ways to express their feelings

If children don’t want to talk about their grief verbally, conversation and connection can be through drawing, craft, dance, poetry, play, images, and text messages.

Offer your child to write in a journal throughout the day. You might also want to offer your child a forum to connect with other family or friends who knew the loved one and share their memories of them

Listen

Father’s Day is an occasion that can bring powerful feelings to the surface. Some of these feelings might be isolation, anger, jealousy, and sadness. Some grieving kids might want to talk about their feelings, whilst others might try to express how they’re feeling through their behaviour.

It is important to listen to them and show them that what they are feeling is valid and completely normal. You might want to give your child ‘permission’ to not be okay, freeing them from expectations. Click here to read our blog on Managing Big Feelings this Father’s Day for more tips.

We asked grieving kids from our Feel the Magic community to share what they would like their friends and family to say to them on Father’s Day. Here is what they said.

If you are supporting a bereaved child or know one, there is help available and a community that understands what you are going through.

Our mission at Feel the Magic is to ensure grieving kids, families, and their friends have the support and resources to help them feel and heal through their grief.

Our Grief Resource Hub has guides, activities, books, videos, and TED talks you may find helpful.

We have a range of face-to-face and virtual camps, so we can help grieving kids heal – no matter where they are.

If you would like to consider a donation this Father’s Day, please click here.

“Father’s Day is a good day to me, I get to focus on Dad that day. Having him on my mind makes me feel better. In the lead-up to Father’s Day it can be scary, but on an actual day it’s usually really nice. I can feel him around me. I’m going to remember him by visiting a place in the Mountains we liked to go to. It’s a special place for us. To anyone else who has lost their dad, my advice is to use it as a way to dedicate a whole day to the person you love. Keep them on your mind and do things in memory of them.”

Koby, Camp Magic Camper.

Helping Kids Cope With Grief

Posted on February 17, 2023 | by Adam Blatch

He is one of Australia’s most respected positive psychology and parent speakers, an author and a researcher. He is the founder and owner of Happy Families Family Education.

Dr Justin Coulson invited Feel the Magic Co-Founder and National Virtual Program Lead, Kristy Thomas to his Happy Families podcast recently.

Many of us start the year with energy and feeling excited about life, but the reality is that sometimes hard things happen.

Episode #701: Kristy Thomas

During episode 701 of the Happy Families podcast – LISTEN HERE, Kristy shared the sad statistic that 1 in 20 children in Australia will lose a parent by the time they’re 18, what Feel the Magic is about and how best to support your grieving child.

Kristy also explained how:

grief can be isolating for children
Camp Magic can turn that feeling of isolation to inclusion amongst a community of other kids in similar situations
children usually respond to grief
parents should respond to their child’s grief
to feel it to heal it
to use your words intentionally
to look after yourself and your grief

Kristy said “Feel the Magic was born out of my own childhood bereavement as well as Co-Founder with my husband who had lost both his parents by the time he was 30. What we realised actually here in Australia is that there are minimal resources for children and parents to access to help kids through the worst time possible”.

Camp Magic – empowering kids to take control of their grief

Kristy further talked about Camp Magic, our signature and most in-demand three-day camp. We match every grieving child with an adult mentor that comes on the journey with them. They have someone sitting beside them on their journey. At every session during Camp, there is someone there with them to support them. We are there to empower kids to self-soothe, self-regulate, and take control of their grief.

“The biggest thing that’s amazing that comes along with these programs is they get to meet other kids like them. Part of what grief does to a kid is it isolates them. They become very different. They don’t know anyone else that is going through what they are. They don’t know how to talk about it with other people. And so when instantly they meet other kids going through the same thing, suddenly their world opens up to say I am not the only one. There’s a way forward” said Kristy.

Listen to the full podcast here, or on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify or iHeartRADIO.

About Feel the Magic

Kristy Thomas and her husband James founded Feel the Feel the Magic in 2013, driven by their personal experiences with grief and a mission to ensure no Australian child goes through grief alone.

We proudly continue this mission and have helped over 1,200 kids and their families through free camps, resources, research to help grieving kids heal.

As a leading charity dedicated exclusively to grieving children, we provide:

Evidence-based programs developed by a clinical psychologist
Free in-person and virtual camps for grieving kids
Grief support communities for teens, children and families
Free online resources and support

For more resources to help navigate childhood grief, please explore our Grief Resource Hub. If you’re interested in connecting your child and yourself to a community of people who understand you, and to mentors who can teach you about grief and give you the tools to heal, then please look into our free camps. If you need immediate mental health support for you or your child, please get in touch with a helpline.

Feel the Magic partner Erebus unveils Gen3s ahead of Supercars Championship

Posted on February 14, 2023 | by Adam Blatch

Our friends and loyal partner Erebus Motorsport recently launched their brand new Gen3 vehicles for this year’s Supercars Championship.

The new-look team launched its campaign with drivers Brodie Kostecki and Will Brown at Warner Bros. Movie World on the Gold Coast.

Betty Klimenko AM, owner Erebus Motorsport and Feel the Magic Ambassador

Feel the Magic has gratefully been the Erebus team’s charity partner since 2018, also supported by the Shaw Partners Foundation, featured proudly on the Supercars.

Betty Klimenko AM, owner of Erebus Motorsport and loyal Feel the Magic ambassador, along with the Shaw and Partners Foundation have pledged their support and hundreds of thousands of dollars to Feel the Magic over the years.

Feel the Magic Chief Executive Officer Adam Blatch is grateful to Erebus Sport and the Shaw and Partners Foundation’s generosity.

“We feel very privileged to be a charity partner with Erebus Motorsport and are so grateful for the support they provide to Feel the Magic and the grieving kids we serve,” Blatch said. “What the Shaw and Partners Foundation provides to charities is remarkable and we are very appreciative”.

The Erebus team will hit the track in their Gen3 Camaros at Sydney Motorsport Park on February 22.

We wish the Erebus team well for the 2023 season and look forward to being a charity partner again in 2023.

Child in blue Camp Magic t-shirt sitting by the river

Preparing for the Death of a Sibling – 5 Ways to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Posted on February 9, 2023 | by Isabella Simantov

The death of a sibling is a tremendous loss for a child. Children may face a range of feelings and thoughts following the death of a sibling. These feelings can be further complicated if their sibling faced a prolonged illness or terminal diagnosis.

Grief can happen while expecting a loss

Although grief is often understood to happen after a loss occurs, grief can occur for those expecting a loss as well – this is called “anticipatory grief”.

Siblings of children facing a terminal illness may experience anticipatory grief in the months, weeks and days before the death.

Anticipatory grief can carry many of the symptoms of regular grief, including sadness, guilt, anger and isolation.

Older children and teenagers that are aware of the impending death might experience an overwhelming sense of anxiety in the lead-up to their sibling’s passing. They might also grieve the loss of their sibling’s abilities and independence, their loss of cognition, loss of hope, loss of future dreams, loss of security, and a loss of identity.

Anticipatory grief may also result in feelings of relief when the death eventually occurs, and guilt that can come with that relief. These feelings are common and normal.

5 ways to cope with anticipatory grief

Find someone to talk to about your feelings. This may be a close family member, school teacher, social worker, or professional counsellor or psychologist.
Keep a journal to record and work through your feelings.
Try to maintain a healthy, balanced diet, and find adequate time to exercise and engage in self-care.
Try meditation or relaxation exercises to soothe the body’s physiological stress responses.
Consider creative outlets to express your feelings.

When a sibling is terminally ill, children adjust to this significant loss, and the impact on their parents.

Parents are often overwhelmed with their own grief and may need help addressing the needs of grieving siblings.

A surviving child may feel the need to “fill in” for the terminally ill child or the child who has died or may worry that the parents would have preferred if he or she had died rather than the sibling. It is important for parents to recognise the grief of surviving siblings and support them.

Common Grief Responses in Children of Different Ages

Following the death of a sibling, every child copes differently and there is no right way to work through feelings of grief. Below are the common grief responses in children of different ages.

Children under the age of 5 may:

Be affected by the emotions of those around them.
Grieve in doses, alternating between displaying grief and playing as if nothing has happened.
Ask confronting questions about death.
Seek attention or show signs of insecurity.
Feel guilty or responsible for their sibling’s death.
Digress developmentally e.g. bed wetting.
Act out their feelings or use play and toys.

Children of primary school age may:

See death as reversible or become more anxious about the possibility of other close loved ones dying.
Be curious about death, and burial rituals and ask detailed questions.
Take time to absorb the reality of what happened and may not appear immediately affected by the death.
Be quick to blame themselves for their sibling’s death.
Worry about their parents who are grieving and feel a sense of responsibility for making them happy again.
Act out feelings rather than talk about them.
Be concerned about what their peers think and have a sense of isolation or separation.

Teenagers may:

Grieve in doses, breaking their grief into bearable amounts, but this can sometimes result in intense outbursts.
Experience many emotions and thoughts that come and go, which can feel confusing, and at times overwhelming.
Feel guilty that they were unable to save their sibling.
Not want to talk about their grief.
Have problems sleeping or oversleeping.
Feel isolated or separated from their peers.

How to support children bereaved by the death of a sibling

Encourage them to share their grief with other family members. This may help them work through the pain and sadness they are experiencing.
Find support outside the family. Whilst it can be helpful to seek support from family members, it can also be hard for some family members to provide consolation while coping with their own grief. Consider the support of a teacher, psychologist or counsellor. An organisation such as Feel the Magic is also a great setting to receive support.
Help them find ways to remember their sibling. Finding ways to memorialise their lost loved one can help keep his or her memory alive and maintain a feeling of connection. They might decide to make a family memory book with pictures or stories.
Consider volunteering with a related charity or one that was important to the bereaved sibling.
Ensure their mental health is taken care of too. Feeling extremely sad or numb are normal reactions to the loss of a sibling. Although sometimes these and other symptoms do not lessen over time, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety or anger can begin to affect their daily life. If grief is becoming too difficult to manage alone, seek adequate professional support if needed. We have curated a list of other grief support organisations here.

Information and support are available

For more information to help you through a range of challenges, see our Grief Resource Hub. It is full of parenting resources, segmented into age-appropriate sections, to guide you through all stages of the grieving process. It covers everything from parenting through a terminal illness, to coping with anniversaries, how to speak to a child after an immediate loss to getting through the first 12 months and beyond. Additional grief support services can be found here.

Supporting Bereaved Siblings

Addressing Fears as a Parent of a Grieving Child

The Hughes Family Story

Posted on December 12, 2022 | by Adam Blatch

The Hughes Family’s life changed on 6 February 2018. Stu died as a result of a head injury when he fell from a roof he was repairing. Their children Harrison and Sienna were just seven and five at the time.

The family engaged in counselling and play therapy for the kids. During the early days of their grief journey, a friend told them about seeing Feel the Magic on TV.

“I watched countless videos and testimonials about Camp and I remember thinking to myself, if it was half as good as everyone had said, then it would be ok. Harrison and Sienna attended Camp in August 2019. In the lead up to Camp, Harrison was adamant that he wasn’t going. That it was pointless and it wouldn’t fix anything. Sienna was a little more welcoming, but still had reservations. I was determined that they had to go. Call it a mother’s intuition, call it exhaustion, call it stubbornness – they were going! There may have been some bribery thrown in too. It turns out that Camp Magic is one of the greatest gifts you can give to a grieving child.”

“Harrison has made connections and bonds that have changed his outlook and his life. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but honestly it’s true. When Harrison returned home, he was able to see positives and was finally open about sharing them with Sienna and myself. It was such a massive step forward.”

“ When I asked him what was the best thing about Camp? Harrison said: “knowing that other kids have lost their Dad too and we’re not the only ones.”

“Sienna enjoyed her time at camp too, but because of her age when Stu died, she found things a little challenging. She was still engaged and learnt a lot, like breathing techniques that she still uses nearly every day. She also learnt about her “emergency meter” and when to ask for adult support if she can’t regulate her emotions, she learnt about self care and the different “seasons” of grief. She especially loved the memorial bonfire where she was able to write a letter to her Dad and send the message to heaven.”

READ THEIR STORY

We thank the Hughes family for their courage to share their personal story of grief and loss.

Tag: bereaved child