Category: Parenting Children-Teens

Feel the Magic Camper putting a Christmas tree decoration on a Christmas tree in honour of his Dad.

Ways to Remember Your Loved One This Holiday Season  

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

The holiday season is traditionally a time for joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, this time of year can be particularly challenging. 

Memories may serve as a constant reminder of a loss, and some families may experience heightened stress and sadness. Feelings of grief may be rekindled as children reminisce about previous memories or as they create new ones.  

There are special ways in which you can remember a loved one during this time and share in connection as a family. The following ways may be helpful: 

1. Create a Memory Corner   

Set up a dedicated space in your home with photos, mementos and items that remind you of your loved one. Encourage family members to contribute their own memories, creating a shared tribute.  

2. Light a Memorial Candle 

Light a candle in memory of your loved one during the holiday gatherings. This simple act can serve as a powerful symbol of remembrance and bring a sense of connection for your family.  

3. Incorporate Traditions   

Incorporate your loved one’s favourite holiday traditions into your celebrations. Whether it is a special recipe, a favourite activity, or a cherished decoration, these elements can serve as a comforting link to your loved one.  

4. Write a Letter   

Write a letter to your loved one expressing your feelings and updating them on your life. You could also encourage family members to write down their favourite holiday season memories of your loved one, creating a beautiful keepsake. 

5. Give Back in Their Name   

Consider making a charitable donation or volunteering in honour of your loved one. This act of kindness not only honours their memory but also contributes positively to the community.  

Here are specific tips for grieving kids: 

1. Open Communication   

Encourage open conversations about feelings during this time. Provide children with a safe space to express their emotions and ask questions, fostering an environment of understanding and support.    

2. Create a Memory Box   

Help children create a memory box filled with items that remind them of their loved one. This tangible collection can serve as a source of comfort during difficult times. Click here for specific instructions for this activity.     

3. Include them in Rituals 

Involve kids in creating and participating in holiday rituals that honour the memory of their loved one. Active participation can help them feel connected and included.

4. Establish New Traditions 

While preserving existing traditions is important, consider establishing new ones together that are specifically designed to celebrate and remember the person who has died. This can provide a sense of continuity and growth.  

Navigating grief during the holiday season is undoubtedly challenging, but finding meaningful ways to remember and honour your loved one can bring a sense of comfort and connection.  

Our community has also shared some ways that they remember their loved one during the holiday season and Christmas time. Click here to download their tips.   

If you need help guiding your grieving kids through Christmas, click here for tips to prepare grieving kids for the holiday season.  

Also, self-care for parents is important during the holiday season so click here to read our guide to help you.  

Feel the Magic Campers next to their family Christmas tree.

Navigating the Holiday Season: The Increased Responsibilities of Grieving Children

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Whilst the holiday season can be a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness for some people, this time of year can also bring a unique set of challenges and emotions for grieving children and their families.  

Dealing with the loss of a loved one increases the complexity of the holiday season, as children may find themselves grappling with increased responsibilities amidst the festivities.  

There are several added burdens that grieving children may feel during the holiday season, however families and communities can support them through this challenging time. Additional challenges can include: 

Emotional Strain 

The holiday season can exacerbate the emotional strain that grieving kids already experience. This time of year often means an increased frequency of family gatherings and traditions, serving as a stark reminder of the absence of a loved one. The real or perceived pressure to maintain a facade of normalcy and participate in festive activities may also contribute to heightened stress and anxiety that children can feel. 

Asking your child what they feel comfortable doing this holiday season is a helpful way to provide them with a sense of psychological safety. By giving your child the autonomy to make decisions around their participation in festive activities, you can decrease the stress and anxiety they might feel during this time. 

Assuming Adults Roles

In the absence of a parent or guardian, grieving children may find themselves taking on roles traditionally held by adults. This could involve helping with meal preparations, managing household chores, or even providing emotional support to other family members. Such responsibilities can be overwhelming and emotionally draining.  

A helpful way to manage this is to assign specific tasks to each family member. Breaking up the responsibilities can be done in a fun and exciting way, such as using visuals and sticker charts. It is also important to accept help from others if it is offered. Some children may also benefit from a family conversation addressing the reality that Christmas may look a bit different this year and it is okay to change traditions or customs.  

Navigating Family Dynamics  

Grieving families often undergo shifts in dynamics as they adapt to the loss. At Christmas, children may feel an increased sense of responsibility to keep the family together or mediate conflicts, adding an extra layer of stress to an already emotionally heightened environment.  

Encourage your child to express their emotions openly and let them know it is okay to feel sad, angry, or confused during this time. It is helpful to set realistic expectations and help them manage their expectations around this time of year.  

Maintaining Traditions 

Holidays are often steeped in tradition, and grieving children may feel a keen responsibility to uphold these rituals in memory of their loved one that died. The pressure to continue traditions can be emotionally taxing, as children grapple with the desire to honour the past while coping with the reality of the present. 

Help your child understand that traditions may change, at least temporarily. Support them in being flexible and open to creating new rituals that accommodate your family’s current needs. 

The holiday season can be an emotionally difficult time for grieving children, particularly as they navigate increased responsibilities amidst the festivities. It is crucial for families, friends, and communities to recognise and address these challenges, offering support and understanding.  

By fostering open communication, acknowledging the unique struggles of grieving children, and creating space for both remembrance and healing, we can help them navigate the holiday season with compassion and resilience.  
 

If you need help guiding your grieving kids through Christmas – click here for tips to prepare grieving kids for the holiday season.  

Also, self-care for parents is important during the holiday season  – click here to read our guide to help you. 

7 Things to Consider While Helping Children Deal with Loss

7 Things to Consider While Helping Children Deal with Loss 

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

From telling a child about the death of a person close to them, to dealing with their grief reactions, and finally helping them access support, there are so many things to consider while helping children deal with the death of a loved one. Whilst there are several considerations, they may vary depending on your child’s developmental age. You can find age specific advice on various topics in our Grief Resource Hub.  

  1. Remember that every child reacts differently 

How children cope with loss depends on various factors, including their developmental age, personality, the support they receive, and the relationship to their lost loved one. Whether a child cries, asks questions or doesn’t react at all, it is important to make sure they are listened to and comforted.  

It may be worthwhile to consider the benefits of a bereavement program for your child to normalise their grief reactions, help them grieve in a healthy way, and for them to feel comforted by a community. It is also important to also give your child time to heal from the loss. Grief is a process that happens over time, and each grief journey is different.  

  1. Children might need help to express their feelings 

Children can have big feelings when a loved one dies, but they don’t always have the words to express these feelings, often manifesting into feelings of frustration and confusion. It may be a good idea to start by helping them identify how they are feeling and letting them know that their feelings are normal. By labelling some of your own feelings it may make it easier for your child to share theirs.  

Children might not always feel like talking about their feelings when a loved one dies, and they may express their feelings through play. For example, drawing, music and puppet play can help children express strong feelings like sadness. Furthermore, Feel the Magic’s bereavement programs offer grieving children the opportunity to learn skills and tools to express their feelings about a death in a healthy way. 

  1. Try to keep to a routine, whilst maintaining expectations.  

Maintaining normal routines and boundaries is a way that might help a grieving child feel secure and have a sense of safety. Children find great comfort in routines, and when a child’s world is turned upside down through loss, it is important to provide consistency wherever possible. Try to keep things as familiar as possible, such as school, extracurricular activities, pets and household possessions. 

Whilst it is important to try and be consistent with rules and routines, it is important to make sure there is some flexibility in managing expectations. Bereaved children experience significant changes in their lives, so it is important to make sure they feel prepared for these changes. Expectations provide children with a great deal of comfort. It may be helpful to manage your child’s expectations for the memorial/funeral, changes to the family unit and any other adjustments to their daily lives. 

  1. Consider how grief affects children in various domains 
  • Cognitive Domain – They may have trouble concentrating and/or making decisions. They might experience nightmares, a lack of motivation, or a decline in school performance. 
  • Emotional Domain – Bereaved children tend to go in and out of the grief process. They might express elevated anxiety about the safety of others. 
  • Physical Domain – Bereaved children may feel sick more often, experience headaches, stomach aches, tiredness, lack of energy or hyperactivity. There might also be changes in their eating habits and sleeping patterns. 
  • Spiritual Domain – Grieving children may be curious about death and dying and may ask a lot of questions. They might start to question why this happened and where their loved one is now. 
  • Social Domain – Children that are grieving may become more dependent or clingy, or they might withdraw. They might also attempt to take on the role of their loved one who has died. 
  • Behavioural Domain – Bereaved children might show more challenging or demanding behaviours as well as regressions in their behaviours (such as bed wetting).  
     
  1. Don’t use euphemisms  

Children tend to be very literal and the use of euphemisms may leave a child feeling anxious, confused or scared. It may even lead them to believe the deceased will come back and that death is not permanent. It is important to avoid phrases such as “passed away”, “gone away”, “gone to sleep” and “lost”. Check out our blog post for more information on how to teach children about death. 

  1.   Help your child remember their lost loved one 

In the days, weeks, months and even years ahead, encourage your child to find ways that will help them remember their loved one that died. Remembering is part of grieving and part of healing. This can be as simple as sharing memories of the person who died or bringing up the name of the person who died so your child knows it is not taboo to talk about and remember that person. Children may also want to draw pictures, write down stories, create a memory box, write poems, or create their own memorial.  

  1. There is support available 

Giving your child a sense of comfort, reassurance, safety, love and care is extremely important. No matter what grief your child is facing, outside resources and additional support are highly recommended. Whilst you cannot protect your child from the pain of loss, you can help make sure they build healthy coping skills. Consider the benefit of support groups, bereavement programs and counselling to support grieving children.