Category: Blog

Mother’s Day Without Mum: Growing with Grief

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Grief is a natural response to loss and can be an extremely challenging experience, especially on significant days like Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day and Grief

Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for children and teens who have experienced the death of their mum, or other maternal figure in their life like a step-mum, auntie or grandmother. It can be a time when grief is brought to the surface, emotions are heightened and may be a confronting reminder that their loved one is no longer here.

Despite the sadness and challenges that a day like Mother’s Day can bring, many grieving children can also experience ‘post-traumatic growth’ leading them to experience full and rich lives after the loss and tragedy and allowing them to grow with their grief in new ways.

Growing With Grief

Post-traumatic growth refers to the positive psychological changes people can experience following a struggle through a life-altering or traumatic experience. Although post-traumatic growth might occur following the death of a loved one, this does not mean it minimises the pain, suffering, and impact of such a significant loss.

While it is true that not everyone will experience post-traumatic growth after a loss or other negative event, it is a possibility for many, especially when they receive appropriate support and intervention.

Post-traumatic growth does not mean that the grieving process is easy or that the loss is any less painful. It simply means that there is the potential for growth following a difficult experience.

Feel the Magic Camper Emily lost her mum when she was just eight years old.

In a moving letter to her late mum Susan, Emily shared how she has taught her nanna and cousins her mum’s sausage roll recipe, listens to her mum’s favourite songs and has found a song that symbolises her mum in hers and her dad’s eyes.

Emily is at high school learning new things and meeting new people. She is now old enough to ride with her dad on the back of the Harley Davidson to visit her mum at the cemetery.

Emily with her mum Susan
Emily with a photo of her my Susan

Emily can smile again. Emily said:

“There’s just something that people need, and I think Camp Magic is probably one of them. You get a lot of people just being around you. You know that they have been through the same thing as you and you feel just really comforted by that. It’s taught me that nothing is too far out of reach, you just got to do it and just reach for your dreams, honestly. I’m very proud of myself”.

Emily’s dad Geoff said:

“It really helps me to know that she is in the best hands. They are able to reassure you that things will get better. She has done extremely well, the way she has coped, the way she has used the tools that Feel the Magic have given her is just absolutely fantastic”.

Emily speaking at Night of Magic 2022

Some of the ways that people may experience post-traumatic growth after the loss of a family member include:

  1. Deeper relationships: Loss can bring people closer together, as they support each other through the grieving process. This can result in deeper and more meaningful relationships, especially as they grow older.
  2. Increased sense of purpose: Some people find that going through a difficult experience such as grief helps them to clarify their priorities and find a greater sense of purpose in life. For some people, this may also lead to changes in study or work to better align with their values and goals.
  3. Greater resilience: Going through the process of grieving can be incredibly difficult, but it can also help people develop resilience, coping skills, and self-soothing strategies that can be useful in other areas of life or during subsequent challenging times.
  4. Increased gratitude and appreciation: When someone experiences a significant loss, they may develop a greater appreciation for the time they have with loved ones and for the beauty of life in general.

It is important to not jump into the possibility of growth immediately following the death of a loved one. However, helping grieving children and adolescents to develop post-traumatic growth can make a significant difference to their futures.

How to support a bereaved child and encourage growth with grief

Implementing these suggestions could help encourage growth and positive outcomes in bereaved children:

  • Social support – Fostering an environment of social support for bereaved children and adolescents is recommended to promote post-traumatic growth after traumatic life events. This may include having trusted adults to talk to about big emotions or having positive social friendships with peers.
  • Resiliency skills – Adults can be instrumental in helping children develop post-traumatic growth by teaching resiliency skills such as teaching positive emotional regulation skills, helping children name emotions and develop their emotional literacy, modelling help-seeking behaviours, and helping them identify their triggers and early warning signs of distress.
  • Early Intervention – Early interventions are often helpful for addressing trauma symptoms in children, and professional support may be required for some people. Helping a child process and make sense of a loss might help reduce feelings of excessive guilt, assist life transitions, and help them make new meaning of their world.
  • Offering praise and hope – When your child makes a positive coping statement or demonstrates self-soothing behaviour, it is a good idea to offer them praise and recognition for these healthy choices. It is also recommended to speak of the future and make plans. This can help counteract the common feeling among children that have experienced a traumatic event that the future is scary, bleak and unpredictable.
  • Parent/guardian self-care – it is important to take care of yourself and manage your own distress too. The use of self-regulation skills and self-care activities and seeking support is modelling an effective way to respond to trauma for your child. By taking care of your own emotional health and well-being, you’ll be better able to help your child.

If you are looking for tips to support a grieving child on Mother’s Day, read our blog: Remembering Mum and Coping with Grief on Mother’s Day.

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Camp Magic

Supporting Children & Teens Through Grief, Anniversaries & Significant Events

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Parenting through anniversaries and significant events after the loss of a loved one can be challenging.

Certain dates may serve as a reminder of a loved one’s death, such as the anniversary of the loss, birthdays and significant holidays.

Reminders of the deceased, such as visiting the grave or attending a funeral or memorial for others, may trigger the pain of a loss. Reminders may also be linked to your senses, sights, sounds and smells, such as hearing their lost loved one’s favourite song. Even though reminders of their loss are inevitable, they may elicit a heightened sense of grief for your child.

Planning

Since everyone grieves differently, it is difficult to anticipate how your child may feel on an anniversary, birthday, or holiday.

Although, preparing your child for how they may feel on these dates will help normalise the fact that such dates may evoke powerful memories and feelings surrounding their lost loved ones. In fact, knowing that they are likely to experience grief reactions may help them understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing.

Planning together with your child will give them a greater sense of control and may help ease some anxiety in the lead up to these dates.

Your child may want to commemorate special events with ongoing emotional connections with their lost loved one. Alternatively, your child may prefer to keep their memories to themselves and grieve privately, and that is okay too.

There is no right or wrong answer with as to what you and your child should or shouldn’t do. Ensure you reiterate to your child that if they change their mind depending on how they feel on the day that is okay too.

Occasions such as birthdays and significant holidays often come with established traditions and rituals. Some families may want to continue their traditions, and others may want to change them as their ‘normal’ has changed. Either decision is okay and whatever you choose together this year can always be changed next year.

Family and friends

Sometimes concerned family or friends may be unsure of how to help as significant dates approach. Be honest that it is a difficult time and let them know what you and your child needs and how they can be helpful.

It might be helpful to share the plans with family and friends once you have decided what you would like to do on the day. Your child may want to schedule social activities or plans with loved ones during a potentially lonely day to provide them with extra support and remind them that they are not alone in their grief.

Supporting your child

Significant dates may be bittersweet as you and your child experience the painful reminders of the loss, difficult memories of the death, and the joyful times you shared with your loved one.

Strategies to support your child:

  • Look at the calendar and make a note of events and milestones that may be difficult.
  • Ask your child in advance what they want to do on these dates and plan together.
  • Try spend time with people who are supportive of you and your child if they want to be around loved ones.
  • Offer your child to write in a journal throughout the day.
  • Give your child permission to not be okay, freeing them from expectations.
  • Consider ways your child could express their feelings in a creative way, such as art, writing, or music.
  • Offer your child a forum to connect with others and share their memories.
  • Offer your child to do something that makes them feel good. This may be as simple as going to their favourite café.
  • Hold a personal ceremony or ritual, such as lighting a candle.

A man, woman and child standing smiling on a hillside

Remembering Mum and Coping With Grief on Mother’s Day

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Mother’s Day can be an incredibly tough day for children and teenagers who have lost their mum.

This special day for so many can bring up a lot of emotions for grieving kids. It can make them feel isolated and can be hard for them to navigate without feeling overwhelmed.

Grieving kids are not alone

It is important for them to know they are not alone. There is a community of other kids in similar situations, feeling similar emotions, that get it.

Sadly, 1 in 20 kids in Australia will experience the death of their mum or dad before they turn 18.

Feel the Magic exists to create a community where grieving kids and their families can connect, feel supported and empowered, to begin to live healthily with their grief.

As one Feel the Magic parent said, “We can’t believe this network exists to provide free programs for kids just like her.” And from another parent, “Going to Camp helped Jesse understand he’s not alone in his grief journey. Being grouped with other kids who have experienced a similar situation to losing his mum has given him the opportunity to share his feelings and experiences with people who truly understand how he feels”.

Remembering mum

Children can take comfort knowing that they can keep their mum’s memory alive and celebrate her love and legacy in their own way.

Feel the Magic Camper Emily remembers her mum in her own special ways.
Emily cooks her mum’s sausage roll recipe, just like she used to make. Emily has even taught her nanna and cousins her mum’s recipe. Every time Emily makes them, it brings back memories of her and her mum cooking in the kitchen.

Emily also likes to play her mum’s favourite songs “I Believe In a Thing Called Love” and “Lady Marmalade” – they are both on Emily’s Spotify playlist.

Happy family of three consisting of a father, mother and young daughter. They are all smiling, standing together outdoors with greenery and mountains behind them.

Emily with her dad and mum

A teenage girl holding a photo framed of her mother standing outdoors with trees behind her

Emily with a photo of her mum Susan

How to support a bereaved child on Mother’s Day

Special days, anniversaries and events can be a tough time for anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one, especially for children without a parent. But remembering a lost loved one can provide comfort and meaning during challenging times.

Each child experiences grief differently. It’s important to remember that they might not have the emotional tools or words to express their feelings which is why finding special ways to remember mum on Mother’s Day can be helpful.

This guide is designed to help children and teenagers to honour and remember their mums on Mother’s Day, with helpful strategies to navigate the day.

  1.  Do things that remind you of your mum on Mother’s Day

Doing things that remind you of your mum on Mother’s Day can help you feel closer to your mum. Putting your mum’s favourite flowers in a vase, cooking your mum’s favourite dinner, listening to her favourite music, or doing an activity that she enjoyed or you used to do together, are different ways of remembering your mum on Mother’s Day and maintaining your connection with her.

  1. Do whatever you want on Mother’s Day without pressure or expectations

For some people, it will be a sad day, for others it may be a happy day, and some people will feel neither happy nor sad. Similarly, for some people it will be a day to remember mum, whilst others may want to avoid it. Each year, one’s feelings and desires will change and be different for everyone. It is important that you do what feels right for you. There is no right or wrong way to feel and there is no right or wrong way to spend Mother’s Day. 

  1. Make a special card in memory of your mother

In the lead up to Mother’s Day, the shops and Mother’s Day stalls at schools may be overwhelming for children bereaved by the death of their mum. Even if your mum has passed away, you still have a mum. Buying a card allows you to think about your mother and connect with her. Writing a message to her, whatever you want to say, is a beautiful way of expressing your love for your mum. You could write an update about your life, or share a special memory you have together, or simply talk about how you’re feeling. This process might make the shops and Mother’s Day stalls at school a little easier. Children and teens might also want to celebrate other important women in their life on Mother’s Day, such as an aunty, grandmother or caregiver.

  1. Talk about your mum

Mother’s Day can be a good opportunity to talk about your mum to family, friends, or people who knew your mum. Talking about your own memories with your mum or hearing about other people’s memories is a beautiful way to remember her on Mother’s Day. You might learn things you didn’t know before, such as what she was like as a child.

  1.  Avoid social media on Mother’s Day

For adolescents in particular, it may feel like they are bombarded with social media posts of friends and their mums. If you think that seeing other people’s Mother’s Day posts might cause you distress, try to limit your use of social media on Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day can be a difficult time for kids who have lost their mum. Although their physical presence may be missing, their mum’s love and presence can stay with them in their hearts. Remembering the happy times spent together and the love mum gave can bring a sense of comfort and healing.

For further guidance, read our blog on Supporting Children and Teens through Grief, Anniversaries and Significant Events.

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Helping Children Navigate Their Grief

The Power of Reading: Helping Children Navigate Their Grief

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Grieving is a process that unfolds differently for every child and adult. Grieving children and teens might find it difficult to talk about their loss right away, and some may show signs of fear and need extra reassurance. 

Reading books about death and loss can help a child better understand what has happened and realise that they’re not alone.  

Some children might be ready to connect with books immediately after the death, others might be more ready in the weeks and months following the death. Either way, books can serve as tools to help children process their grief and feel less alone. 

Reading books can show grieving children characters who have experienced something similar. Books can also help children understand complex feelings, explain the facts and permanence of death, or even help children connect with memories of their lost loved one.  

Here are some tips for choosing helpful books and some recommendations for various age groups.

Books for children aged 4-7 years olds

Around this age, children begin to develop an understanding of death. Younger kids might feel responsible for the death of a loved one, or they might have magical thoughts that their behaviour could bring the person back. 

Tips for choosing helpful books for 4–7 year olds 

Look for books:

  • that help explain the basic facts about death 
  • in which characters feel multiple feelings simultaneously. Books can help kids understand that it is possible, and normal, to feel many things at once 
  • that show there is no “right way” to feel, grieve or express sadness or worry
Woman and child standing together smiling wearing blue Camp Magic tshirts
Mentor and Camper at Camp

Book recommendations

Books for children aged 8-12 years

Bereaved children within this age group generally understand that death is permanent. However, they might still have confused or magical thinking that something they could’ve done differently would have prevented the death. They might fixate on the details of their family member’s death.  

Man and child standing together smiling wearing blue Camp Magic tshirts
Mentor and Camper at Camp

Tips for choosing helpful books for 8–12 years

Look for books that:

  • feature characters that the child will see their own culture, family structures, and life experiences reflected.  
  • allow characters to express a range of emotions and behaviours after experiencing a loss. This is important to show children that there is no “right way” to process grief. 
  • are age-appropriate for individual children both in content and reading abilities.  

Book recommendations

Books for children aged 13-17 years

It is important to approach bereaved teenagers with compassion while maintaining boundaries. It is common for grief to manifest as anger in teens, and they might withdraw from school or act out in disruptive ways. Encourage them to find ways to express what they are feeling, and if they are willing to share with you, actively listen and validate the emotions being expressed.

Groups of teenagers in a room listening to speakers
Teenagers at Grad Camp

Tips for choosing helpful books for 13–17 years 

  • feature characters that the child will see their own culture, family structures, and life experiences reflected.   
  • allow characters to express a range of emotions and behaviours after experiencing a loss. This is important to show children that there is no “right way” to process grief.  
  • are age-appropriate for individual children both in content and reading abilities.    

Book recommendations

Some reflection questions

Reading can be used as a fun way to encourage young children and teenagers alike to talk about the death of their family member and their grief with a parent or other trusted adult.

We have compiled some questions you can give your child that will help them connect more with the book they’ve read and allow them to express feelings.

  1. It can be confusing to feel more than one feeling at once, like the character in the book we read. What are some feelings that a person may feel at the same time? Would you like to share anything about times when you have felt more than one feeling, such as feeling angry with someone and missing them, or feeling sad about something but happy at the same time?  
  1. What did the character feel after the loss? How did those feelings change over time?  
  1. It is hard to feel big feelings. How did the characters in the book feel? How do their feelings affect their behaviours? Have you noticed any ways that your feelings and behaviours are connected? Are there certain things that you do when you feel sad, angry, or confused?  
  1. What strategies did the character use to cope with their feelings? Which of the strategies seemed to be the most helpful for this character?  
  1. What would you like to say to the character experiencing grief? What things did other characters say or do that were the most helpful to the grieving character?  
  1. Would you like to talk about, write about, or draw any of your favourite memories of the person who died? Is there another way that you would like to remember or celebrate that person  
  1. How did the loss affect the character’s feelings of safety or security?  
  1. How did the character continue to feel connected to their loved one or to remember them after the death? How can you remember loved ones after they die? What can you do to stay connected to them and celebrate their memory?  

Helping children navigate grief through books allows them to feel connected with others, giving them the confidence to express difficult feelings like anxiety and anger. For more advice on how to help your child cope after a parent or other family member has died, visit our Grief Resource Hub.

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Helpful Activities for Grieving Children and Teenagers

7 Helpful Activities for Grieving Children and Teenagers

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Coping with grief following the death of a loved one is particularly challenging and often confusing for children and teenagers.

Grieving children may feel numb and angry at the same time, while also dealing with both excess energy and exhaustion.

No two children or teens react to grief in the same way, but there are a variety of coping strategies, resources and activities to support children through their grief journey.

Activities may also be useful when supporting children and teens through anniversaries and significant events relating to a family member’s death.

Drawing of a tangled ball of grief

My Tangled Ball of Grief

A helpful grief activity for children is to create their own tangled ball of grief art. All you need is paper and either markers, crayons or coloured pencils.

Your child can create a key and then choose a different colour to represent each different emotion to then draw their own tangled ball of grief.

You can also use this art activity to talk with your child about what colours are most prominent, and why.

Six hand drawn hearts with white background

Thankful Hearts

Print this page and your child writes what they are thankful for on each heart. Younger children can draw what they are thankful for. Cut out the hearts and place them on the refrigerator, put them in a bowl, or keep them in your pockets. Read them together each morning as you begin your day. This activity is helpful for grieving children as it builds gratitude and appreciation.

A picture of a box with memories in it

Memory Box

A meaningful activity for grieving kids is to create a memory box.

You can use a shoebox or another box, decorate it and fill it with memorable items such as cards, drawings, personal items and photographs.

Your child may want to continue adding memories to the box as time goes by.

This is a great way to support children through the grief process by dedicating some time to fondly remember the person who has died.

Cardboard box with cardboard tube poking out of the top. On the front of the box are the words 'LET IT OUT!' written on the front.

Scream Box

When kids of any age are going through the grieving process, they will experience a range of emotions, including anger and frustration. Sometimes instead of wanting to talk, they may just feel like screaming.

This can be appealing to children and easily made with things you’ll likely have around the house.

Using an empty box, such as a cereal box, fill it with crumpled paper (e.g., paper towel, newspapers) and close the top of the box.

Using a paper towel tube, mark a circle on the top of the box and then cut out the hole.

Tape the paper towel tube to the hole and decorate the box. When you’re ready, scream into the box!

A small glass jar filled with different pieces of folded coloured paper

Jar of Memories

A meaningful activity for grieving children is to create a jar of happy memories.

Together with your child, write down your favourite memories of the special person who died.

Place the memories notes in a jar. Randomly take a memory out of the jar to remember the person.

It can also be helpful to read the memories out loud together.

An acrostic poem that reads Joyous Earthly Stunning Singer Interesting Caring Affectionate

Acrostic Poem

When a child has lost a family member, a healthy way for them to grieve and manage their emotions is to use creativity and art.  

By taking the name of their loved one who died, children are encouraged to reflect on the positive qualities of their loved one.  

  • Write down the person’s name vertically on the left side of a piece of paper. 
  • Write descriptive words using the first letter of the word. 
  • Encourage children to be creative and use colours, glitter and other crafts.  
A photo taken from above of someone creating beaded bracelets

Memory Bracelet

A meaningful activity for grieving children and teens is to create a memory bracelet to represent their loved one.

Using objects like beads and jewellery can be a good way for a child to tell a story about their loved one.

It is also something they can wear when they are missing their loved one. Different colours could represent different emotions, or memories, or anything else they wish to convey.

For more information about the bereavement programs, grief activities and support we offer to help grieving kids heal, click here.  

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Adult and child sitting on the floor talking

A Guide on How to Teach Children About Death

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Teaching children about death requires honesty and simple, age-appropriate information. 

Understanding your child’s knowledge and comprehension of death at different developmental stages is helpful when supporting your child through their grief. 

Understanding death at different ages 

Preschool-aged children mostly understand death as temporary and reversible. Children between the ages of five and nine begin to understand that all living things eventually die, however, they tend not to relate death to themselves.

Children at around the age of nine through to adolescence begin to fully understand that death is irreversible, and they too will die one day.  

Camper at Camp Magic learning grief strategies through activities
Campers at Camp Magic exploring their feelings

6 Ways to Teach Your Child about Death 

  • Take things slowly 

The first step when teaching a child about death is to have a firm grasp of their cognitive and emotional understanding of death. Use this information to guide you, as well as patience and persistence. 

Children process death gradually over time. Don’t sit them down once, overwhelm them with information and expect them to internalise it all immediately. 

Over a certain period, expect your child to ask various questions. Answer them consistently. As painful as it is, answer them honestly because it will help them start to grasp the finality of death.  

  • Be honest and clear 

Use simple, clear and direct words when teaching a child about death. It is also important to pause and give your child a moment to take in your words. Try to avoid euphemisms like, ‘She’s in a better place,’ because they can be scary and confusing for children. 

Use the word ‘death’ to avoid confusion. You could say “Your dad died. When people die their body stops working and you won’t be able to see them again”. If your child responds by asking whether the person’s body can be fixed, say “when a body stops working, it can never start again”. Click here to read the blog ‘What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies’.  

  • Build Emotional Literacy 

By consistently labelling and modelling your own emotions, you are acting as an emotional role model for a child. Labelling some of your own feelings will make it easier for a child to share theirs. 

Another way to build emotional literacy is to use “feelings cards” or illustrations to introduce emotion vocabulary to children. Asking a child to describe what they are feeling is an important part of developing emotional literacy. If a child sees you cry, explain what you are feeling and why. An important part of teaching children about death is to show them that it is acceptable to cry and grieve. 

  • Explaining death and the body 

Consider your child’s age and maturity when helping them understand the physical aspect of death. Begin this part of the conversation by making sure the child understands that the body of the person who died does not work anymore and will never work again. 

Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you can also talk about what you and your family believe happens after death. An important part of teaching children about death is to try and make death a part of normal conversations with children. 

  • Explaining funerals 

An important part of teaching children about death is explaining funerals and memorial services. Clear descriptions of what will happen (e.g., religious symbols, casket, black clothing etc.) are helpful as children thrive on knowing what to expect. Remember, you don’t have to talk about everything at once. 

Explain the service in age-appropriate terms to help alleviate some of the anxiety that comes from not knowing what to expect. Let children know that they may feel a wide range of feelings as well, or they may not feel anything at all. Explain that sometimes our feelings come weeks or even months later.  

  • Children try to make sense of death by asking questions 

Teaching children about death often comes with questions about their own mortality and the death of others close to them. It is important to teach your child that some people only die when they are very old or very sick, but we will all die one day.  

Children may also wonder what happens when you die and how you answer this question depends on your personal or spiritual beliefs. Some children may find comfort in having something to focus on when thinking about a person who died, for example “when we see a star in the sky, we can think about Mum and how much she loved us”. However, avoid direct euphemisms which can confuse children (such as saying the stars in the sky are mum).   

For more support on how to teach children about death, read our guide How to teach children about death. 

If your family has experienced the death of a loved one, you and your child need to know that you are not alone. Feel the Magic support families through the difficult period following a death, and support children as they grieve the death of a loved one. Click here to find out more about our bereavement programs.  

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