Category: Blog

Picture of a Feel the Magic family on the remembrance tree

12 Ways to Remember Your Loved One this Christmas

Posted on | by Lucy Archinal-Hudson

For many families in our community, Christmas and the holiday season can be a difficult time.

Memories may serve as a constant reminder of a loss, and some families may experience heightened stress and sadness.

Feelings of grief may be rekindled as children reminisce about previous memories or as they create new ones. 

But there are special ways in which you can remember a loved one during this time and share in connection time as a family.

This guide 12 ways to remember your loved one at Christmas may help you and your kids missing a loved one. Including some tips from our own community.

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In the coming days, some people in our community will share how they will remember their loved this Christmas. Follow along on our socials.

Do you need help guiding your grieving kids through Christmas? Read our tips to prepare grieving kids for the holiday season.

Plus, self-care for parents is important during the holiday season when there may be added pressures. This guide may help you to check-in with yourself at this busy time.

You are not alone, our grief community is online and our resources are available to read and watch any time.

Remember a loved one

How to Prepare Your Grieving Kids for the Holiday Season

Posted on | by Lucy Archinal-Hudson

Whilst the holiday season is usually a time of joy and celebration, for many grieving kids and teens it can be a time of sadness and loneliness. 

The holiday season comes with high expectations, such as family commitments and large celebrations at home and school. Grieving children often experience these ‘hallmark’ moments differently to others, and this can cause difficult feelings and emotions. For those who have lost a loved one, the holiday season can also intensify feelings of grief and sadness. 

The first Christmas or holiday season without a loved one may also be particularly challenging for children and teenagers. Similarly, Christmas and holiday seasons later in bereavement can also be challenging as children move into different life stages or take on new roles in family celebrations. 

Below are some tips that may help support your grieving child during the festive season. 

1. Balance new and old traditions  

The holiday season often comes with established traditions and rituals. Some families may want to continue their existing traditions, whereas others may want to change them, just as their ‘normal’ has now changed. 

Remind your child that the holiday season does not need to be perfect or the same as last year. Explain to them that as families grow, traditions and rituals often change. Make sure they understand that there is no “right way” to celebrate the holidays and whatever you choose this year can always change next year. Include them in decision making and ask all family members to contribute their thoughts on keeping traditions and/or establishing new ones. 

2. Provide consistency amongst the chaos

Research shows that stable routines and consistency in the environment are important for supporting the psychological safety of bereaved children and young people. However, the holiday season is often a busy time, with guests staying over or activities at unusual times of the day. 

Where possible, maintain the child’s usual routines and structure. For example, if the child is staying at a family member’s house, consider bringing items from home such as their favourite toys or pillows. Similarly, if a child is staying up late watching festive movies, try to maintain the same bedtime routine/structure – just at a later time of the day. 

3. Set realistic expectations

Since everyone grieves differently, it is difficult to anticipate how your child may feel during the holiday period. Setting realistic expectations for how they might feel will normalise the fact that such a time may evoke powerful memories and feelings surrounding their lost loved one. 

Preparing your child that they are likely to experience grief reactions may help them understand that it is normal to feel sadness and grief, but it is also okay to feel happy too. Communicate to your child that they may need to take time to cry or express their feelings to someone they trust. Importantly, reassure them that they are not alone.  

4. Plan together

Letting your grieving child share what they would like to do is an opportunity to teach them the power of remembering. Planning with your child will give them a greater sense of control and may help ease anxiety leading up to this period. 

Your child may want to commemorate the holiday period with ongoing emotional connections with their lost loved one. Alternatively, your child may prefer to keep their memories to themselves and grieve privately, and that is okay too. 

There is no right or wrong way. When planning how you will spend the significant days, consider that it may be easier to leave someone else’s house than to ask people to leave yours. 

No two people will experience grief in the same way. You may find different family members may want to do different things during the holiday season. Being open and talking as a family can help to make plans that are sensitive to everyone’s wishes.  

5. Share holiday memories and stories

If possible, share holiday stories about the loved one that the child might not have heard before. For example, their favourite Christmas present from when they were little, or photos of their loved one at festive events. 

Research shows that talking with others who remember the deceased person is an important part of helping children and families maintain a connection with their loved one. Children and young people might also benefit from engaging in activities such as cooking their loved one’s favourite meal, or watching their favourite holiday movie, as another way to maintain this connection. 

6. Ask them how they would like to remember their loved during the holidays

Examples of ways to remember a loved one during the holidays include setting a place at the table or lighting a special candle. Your child may want to use a creative expression such as art, writing or music to remember their loved one. 

Follow us here and on socials for our soon-to-be-released guide for ideas and inspiration from our grief community about how to honour a loved one during the holiday season.

Plus, read our self-care tips for parents during the holiday season HERE.

Grieving during the holiday season can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, however it’s important to remember that you are not alone. When you feel overwhelmed, you should practice self-care and reach out to access additional grief support services. 

Feel the Magic offer support to help support you and your child through the difficult times following the death of a loved one. Click here to read further information on supporting children and teens through grief, anniversaries and significant events. 

If you would like to join a support network of other families who understand what you’re currently experiencing, you can join our grief community. 

Have more questions about what to say to a child when a parent dies or how to support a child through their grieving process? Please submit an enquiry and we will contact you as soon as possible. 

References: 

Boerner, K., & Heckhausen, J. (2003). To have and have not: adaptive bereavement by transforming mental ties to the deceased. Death studies, 27(3), 199–226. 

Schwab, R. (2004). Acts of remembrance, cherished possessions, and living memorials. Generations, 28, 26–30. 

Family Day Camp

Self-care Tips for Parents During the Holiday Season

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

The holiday season can be a difficult time for anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one. Memories may serve as a constant reminder of the loss, and some families may experience heightened stress and sadness.  

Watching others celebrate can also be painful and overwhelming and contribute to feeling isolated and alone. Holiday decorations and advertisements can also be inescapable triggers. 

As a parent, it is important to prioritise your self-care to help you through the holiday season.  

Set realistic expectations of yourself 

Consider if you can still handle past responsibilities and expectations. For example, you may want to consider shopping online this year if you feel a need to avoid crowds or triggers at shopping centres. Being mindful of your own needs is important when planning for the holidays, planning alternatives, and communicating with others.  

Take one day at a time

Whether you find comfort in old holiday traditions or decide to start new ones, take this period one day at a time. Try not to overload yourself to get through the days faster or isolate yourself until the period is over. You might decide to take a social media break if you feel that it is impacting you during this period. 

Prioritise your health 

Make your mental and physical health a priority by taking some time for yourself. Try to find opportunities to do physical exercise and eat healthy meals. It may be helpful to set aside time every day to meditate, stretch, or go for a walk. It is also important to check in with your emotions and give yourself some forgiveness if you’re being too hard on yourself.  

Lean on someone 

Call or text a friend for support if you are struggling. It is always helpful to have someone to talk to when you are going through a tough time. A mental health helpline is also useful if you need support, but don’t know who to turn to.

Write in a journal or read a book 

Calm your mind or racing thoughts by journaling or reading a book. Writing down how you are feeling may give you a chance to clear your head and move through your day with fewer bottled-up feelings. Others might want to read a book to distract themselves from their difficult emotions, or they might want to read a book on grief and the holidays. Our Grief Resource Hub contains a list of suggested books and media.  

Know your warning signs and take breaks 

Whether or not you communicate your needs or boundaries to others in advance, there is a chance you may find your emotions rising out of nowhere. Take a break when you need to and plan to step away occasionally. Whilst taking time out, you may want to text a friend or practice a breathing exercise. We know that breathwork is a helpful way to alleviate anxiety, depression, and stress.  

Hand on Heart meditation exercise  

At Feel the Magic, we use a simple strategy called ‘Hand on Heart’, which is beneficial for adults and children alike. It works in three ways: 

(1) physical touch serves as a grounding technique to anchor you to your body and in the present moment, rather than ruminating about the past or worrying about the future; 

(2) deep breathing helps to regulate the body’s stress response and soothe any physiological arousal caused by the distress; and 

(3) counting helps you activate the “thinking mind” rather than the “emotional mind” and provides something tangible to focus on besides what triggered the distress.  

Hand on Heart instructions: 

  1. Place one or both hands on your chest, feeling the warmth of your hands on your body. Notice the rise and fall of your chest.  
  1. Close your eyes or look down. 
  1. Breath in deeply for a count of 3 and out for a count of 4. Repeat this 4-5 times.  
  1. Label what emotion you are feeling in this moment. 
  1. Measure your subjective level of distress out of 10. 

Allow yourself to grieve

It is important to allow yourself to feel joy, sadness, anger, or whatever you are feeling. Every family member has their own unique experience of grief and no one way is right or wrong. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions as they are. Remember that experiencing joy and laughter during a time of grief does not mean you have forgotten your loved one.  

The holiday season might be a tough period for your family. In Australia there are a range of resources and support available for both you and your child. 

  • Feel the Magic provide grief education programs and camps for children aged 7 to 17 who have experienced the death of a parent, guardian, or sibling. 
  • Click here to access Feel the Magic’s Grief Resource Hub which contains information to help you through a range of challenges. 
  • When someone dies, it can be hard to know who you’re supposed to tell. Click here to be directed to Services Australia. 
  • Read about how to cope financially after losing your partner. If you need financial support, click here to be directed to Services Australia. 
  • Talk with your doctor or local community health centre if you or your child require professional support or counselling services. 
  • Kids Helpline is Australia’s only free, confidential 24/7 online and phone counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25. 
  • Beyond Blue provides confidential counselling services. 
  • Griefline provides telephone and online counselling services. 
  • Headspace supports young people (12 to 25 years) who are going through a difficult time. 
  • Lifeline is a 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention service. 
  • Solace provides grief support for those grieving the death of their partner. 
  • Postvention Australia and StandBy support people bereaved by suicide. 

Addressing Fears as a Parent of a Grieving Child

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

When a child experiences the death of a loved one, various fears may arise throughout their grief journey.

Often a parent or caregiver of bereaved children will also experience fears regarding their child’s grief journey. Many common fears are experienced amongst parents of bereaved children, including the fear that your child will feel isolated following the death of a loved one.

As a family tries to cope with a significant loss, the dynamics of the family can change and it can be an unsettling time for children. This period may manifest in certain behaviours, such as withdrawal, and certain feelings, such as isolation.

Changes that can stir difficult feelings and emotions

A death of parent may lead to other changes such as moving house, changing schools, or facing financial challenges. These changes, along with the death itself, stir difficult feelings and emotions for children to manage. Therefore, it is important to ensure that your child has access to support, specifically for their needs and to maintain as much normality in their life.

School refusal

The fear of your child’s isolation is often extended to their experience at school. Following a death, it is common for children to fear abandonment or being alone, and this is often expressed in everyday events such as school refusal.

Transfer of fear to parents

Bereaved children’s fears are often transferred onto their parents. When your child expresses certain fears, it is best not to dismiss their fears but rather try not to let their fears become yours. It is helpful to reassure them that everything will be okay and ensure that there’s structure and consistency in their lives.

The fear of not being able to cope with both your own grief and your child’s grief it a common fear amongst parents. It is undeniable that trying to cope with your own significant loss is extremely challenging, although simultaneously trying to help your child navigate his or her own grief may seem incomprehensible. Hence, this is a common fear for parents and can often manifest into questioning whether you are doing a “good enough” job or dealing with it in the “right way”.

The key to managing this fear is to avoid suppressing your grief emotions and openly expressing how you feel. Authentically showing your grief to your child will not make things worse. In fact, you may encourage your child to also display their grief and it may draw you closer to each other.

Lean on a support person

However, it is important to also lean on a support person or counsellor before sharing your experience with your child. This is especially important if your grief emotions become heightened and overwhelming and you may not feel you are equipped or able to assume full responsibility for your child’s grief. Be prepared that neither of your grief journeys will be smooth sailing, although by providing your child with love and compassion, you will allow them to navigate their grief feeling safe and reassured. Remember, in order to take care of your child, you need to take care of yourself.

Camp Magic

Grief is a process over time

Another major fear often experienced by parents is that their child’s state of grief will never get better.

Grief is a process that occurs over time and your child will feel a wide range of emotions after a major loss. The key point is to give your child time to heal from his or her loss. Whilst it is difficult to witness your child grieve and endure many challenging feelings, providing them with understanding and patience during this difficult time will help them heal. Pressuring your child to accept the death will most certainly not speed up their grieving process.

Even if your child is experiencing denial for a longer period than you expected, remember that they will accept the death when they are ready to. It is also important to give your child permission and the opportunity to let out their emotions. Despite what may seem to be a regression following a loss, remember that your child’s grief is a process that ebbs and flows over time. Demonstrating patience and understanding is key to supporting your child’s grief journey.

Read More

Supporting Children and Teens Through Grief, Anniversaries and Significant Events

Resources for Grieving Children

Feel the Magic mentor Rachel

Volunteering can bring a ‘helper’s high’

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Volunteering can bring meaning and purpose to your life. It can bring people together by building communities and creating a better society.

There is also evidence that helping others triggers a response in your brain that can give you a buzz sometimes known as the ‘helper’s high’.

Without our caring and dedicated helpful volunteers at Feel the Magic, we simply couldn’t support the many grieving children that need us. Why? Campers benefit from one-on-one trained volunteer mentors at many of our Camps.

Feel the Magic volunteer Rachel

Meet Rachel (pictured as part of the support crew for Magic Ride 2022), one of our amazing volunteers. Rachel initially became involved with Feel the Magic in 2019 as a mentor at Camp Magic in ACT.

We asked Rachel why she joined Feel the Magic as a volunteer.

Rachel’s dad died when she was 11 years old and her brother 14. Rachel said “The first day of camp would have been my dad’s 60th birthday. When I found out what Feel the Magic was and the work they were doing with kids going through the same loss, I had to get involved and join in and help make it a little easier for them”.

Rachel has now attended five camps, two as a mentor and three as part of the wellbeing team. She was also part of the support crew for the fundraising Magic Ride 2022 and has amazingly signed up again for 2023!

Rachel told us what inspires her most about our Campers is “the vulnerability and growth that you see over the course of the weekend.”

Rachel further said that “A program like Feel the Magic would have benefitted my brother and I a lot”.

Feel the Magic is fortunate to have many people like Rachel who understand the significance of losing a loved one as a child, can relate to Campers and recognise the vitality of our programs.

Rachel shared a little bit about her own journey of grief and said that “grief is a non-linear cyclical adventure. It goes up and down and is not something that ever ends. It’s been nearly 16 years since my dad died and there are still days when I am completely blindsided by the grief of that loss but there are also many days when I am not so quite blind sided anymore”.

Benefits of volunteering

Volunteering can offer vital support to people in need and provides individuals with a sense of community. The benefits of volunteering can be profound.

The right volunteering opportunity can help you connect with a community, learn new skills, and even advance your career.

Giving to others can also improve your own mental and physical health and provide a sense of purpose.

  • Volunteering often helps counteract the effects of stress, anger, depression and anxiety. 
  • The social aspect of helping and working with others can have a profound effect on your overall psychological wellbeing. 
  • Being helpful to others provides immense enjoyment, can give you a sense of pride and identity, and ultimately increasing self-confidence. 
  • Doing good for others and the community may provide you with a natural sense of accomplishment. 
  • Helping others triggers the reward pathway in the brain known as the mesolimbic system. The release of neurotransmitters such as oxytocin and vasopressin can give you a buzz sometimes known as the ‘helpers high’. 

No matter your age or life situation, volunteering can provide a sense of purpose, keep you mentally stimulated, and add more zest to your life.

Rachel’s advice to others considering volunteering with Feel the Magic: “Just do it! It is something you will consider for ages and always put off, but once you do it, it’s so worth it… absolutely do it!”.

“Volunteers make the world go around. I knew I would volunteer somewhere sometime and Feel the Magic hits that spot for me. We wouldn’t be able to get through life without people volunteering to help those in need of different services and charities like Feel the Magic”.

Volunteering is a meaningful way to feel a sense of belonging, catch feel-good emotions, embrace your passions, and open the door to life satisfaction.

A big thank you to our volunteers for your unwavering commitment and dedication to the Feel the Magic community.

If you are interested in volunteering with us at Feel the Magic, click here for more information.

References

https://www.sydney.edu.au/news-opinion/news/2017/05/03/7-surprising-benefits-of-volunteering-.html

Dr. Michael Bowen (BA ’08 BA(Hons) ’10 PhD ’14) 

Good Blokes Society Walk for 24

Good Blokes raising money for grieving kids

Posted on | by Adam Blatch

Building relationships with Good Blokes, giving to charity partners (like us), and pounding the pavement to raise money to send grieving kids to camp. Now that sounds like a bunch of Good Blokes!

Our friends at Good Blokes Society are doing the Ozwide Carbon Good Blokes Walk for 24, walking 24 hours for men’s health with fundraising proceeds going to their charity partners, including Feel the Magic, and the GBS Members Wellness Fund.

Over the course of the coming months, they are hoping to raise $75,000 for Feel the Magic to send 50 kids to camp in Victoria next year.

Good Blokes Society walk the walk for men to be open and honest when discussing mental health and wellness. Good Bloke Society provides a range of safe and secure platforms for men to create and develop their social and business relationships.

Feel the Magic CEO Adam Blatch recently caught up with Good Blokes Society Founder Shaun Wallis to find out more about the organisation, the Walk for 24 event, and the amazing fundraising efforts of their members and donors.

Read a snippet of their chat below or listen to the full interview here.

Adam Blatch, CEO Feel the Magic chats to Good Blokes Society Founder Shaun Wallis

What does Good Blokes Society do?

We bring men together to create positive business and social relationships, with a strong and holistic approach to all sorts of men’s health, mental health, and any challenge a male might go through in life. We are a community of good blokes that just want to support each other, enjoy our passions, and help each other where we can.

How do you plan on raising $75,000 for Feel the Magic?

We run lots of different events where we talk about our charity partners, about fundraising, and we run auctions and raffles. We were introduced to Feel the Magic by some of our longer-term members and it is an organisation doing wonderful things, so we are more than happy to grow a relationship with Feel the Magic and contribute to funding a camp next year. We are also doing a walk for 24 hours for Feel the Magic and other charity partners next week.

How did you decide to partner with Feel the Magic?

Relationships is the short answer. We are a relationship business and as I say to members “the more you put in, the more you get back”. Being at some Feel the Magic events, and as a father of two young kids, I felt the magic you create and heard some of the stories that some of the kids have related to. That is the purpose to support Feel the Magic.

What is a highlight of a fundraising experience you’ve had so far?

A highlight has probably been the Good Blokes Walk for 24. After such a disastrous period which was caused through the pandemic for a business that is face to face and built on connection, there was uncertainty about whether this business can grow or flourish.

It was after the third lockdown or so that I decided to go and walk for 24 hours to raise money and awareness. Other members joined, creating a bond with those guys, the support from members and the amount of donations we raised was a highlight of what was a difficult year. I thank COVID for that now and it is now in its third year.

We thank Good Blokes Society for their partnership with Feel the Magic to help us support more grieving kids and teens. Find out more about them here.

Photo credit the Good Blokes Society.