Author: Isabella Simantov

Isabella is a Provisional Psychologist and has completed a degree in Psychology (Honours) and Primary Education. She is currently completing a Master of Professional Psychology at The Cairnmillar Institute. Isabella’s first involvement with Feel the Magic was in 2020 when she completed a psychology internship. She completed the training to become a mentor, however soon after she took on the role as a Research Associate. Isabella is passionate about mental health and wellbeing, particularly amongst children and adolescents. Isabella possesses skills in academic research and writing, and she has a strong ability to interact with individuals in a compassionate and caring manner.
Helpful Activities for Grieving Children and Teenagers

7 Helpful Activities for Grieving Children and Teenagers

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Coping with grief following the death of a loved one is particularly challenging and often confusing for children and teenagers.

Grieving children may feel numb and angry at the same time, while also dealing with both excess energy and exhaustion.

No two children or teens react to grief in the same way, but there are a variety of coping strategies, resources and activities to support children through their grief journey.

Activities may also be useful when supporting children and teens through anniversaries and significant events relating to a family member’s death.

Drawing of a tangled ball of grief

My Tangled Ball of Grief

A helpful grief activity for children is to create their own tangled ball of grief art. All you need is paper and either markers, crayons or coloured pencils.

Your child can create a key and then choose a different colour to represent each different emotion to then draw their own tangled ball of grief.

You can also use this art activity to talk with your child about what colours are most prominent, and why.

Six hand drawn hearts with white background

Thankful Hearts

Print this page and your child writes what they are thankful for on each heart. Younger children can draw what they are thankful for. Cut out the hearts and place them on the refrigerator, put them in a bowl, or keep them in your pockets. Read them together each morning as you begin your day. This activity is helpful for grieving children as it builds gratitude and appreciation.

A picture of a box with memories in it

Memory Box

A meaningful activity for grieving kids is to create a memory box.

You can use a shoebox or another box, decorate it and fill it with memorable items such as cards, drawings, personal items and photographs.

Your child may want to continue adding memories to the box as time goes by.

This is a great way to support children through the grief process by dedicating some time to fondly remember the person who has died.

Cardboard box with cardboard tube poking out of the top. On the front of the box are the words 'LET IT OUT!' written on the front.

Scream Box

When kids of any age are going through the grieving process, they will experience a range of emotions, including anger and frustration. Sometimes instead of wanting to talk, they may just feel like screaming.

This can be appealing to children and easily made with things you’ll likely have around the house.

Using an empty box, such as a cereal box, fill it with crumpled paper (e.g., paper towel, newspapers) and close the top of the box.

Using a paper towel tube, mark a circle on the top of the box and then cut out the hole.

Tape the paper towel tube to the hole and decorate the box. When you’re ready, scream into the box!

A small glass jar filled with different pieces of folded coloured paper

Jar of Memories

A meaningful activity for grieving children is to create a jar of happy memories.

Together with your child, write down your favourite memories of the special person who died.

Place the memories notes in a jar. Randomly take a memory out of the jar to remember the person.

It can also be helpful to read the memories out loud together.

An acrostic poem that reads Joyous Earthly Stunning Singer Interesting Caring Affectionate

Acrostic Poem

When a child has lost a family member, a healthy way for them to grieve and manage their emotions is to use creativity and art.  

By taking the name of their loved one who died, children are encouraged to reflect on the positive qualities of their loved one.  

  • Write down the person’s name vertically on the left side of a piece of paper. 
  • Write descriptive words using the first letter of the word. 
  • Encourage children to be creative and use colours, glitter and other crafts.  
A photo taken from above of someone creating beaded bracelets

Memory Bracelet

A meaningful activity for grieving children and teens is to create a memory bracelet to represent their loved one.

Using objects like beads and jewellery can be a good way for a child to tell a story about their loved one.

It is also something they can wear when they are missing their loved one. Different colours could represent different emotions, or memories, or anything else they wish to convey.

For more information about the bereavement programs, grief activities and support we offer to help grieving kids heal, click here.  

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Adult and child sitting on the floor talking

A Guide on How to Teach Children About Death

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Teaching children about death requires honesty and simple, age-appropriate information. 

Understanding your child’s knowledge and comprehension of death at different developmental stages is helpful when supporting your child through their grief. 

Understanding death at different ages 

Preschool-aged children mostly understand death as temporary and reversible. Children between the ages of five and nine begin to understand that all living things eventually die, however, they tend not to relate death to themselves.

Children at around the age of nine through to adolescence begin to fully understand that death is irreversible, and they too will die one day.  

Camper at Camp Magic learning grief strategies through activities
Campers at Camp Magic exploring their feelings

6 Ways to Teach Your Child about Death 

  • Take things slowly 

The first step when teaching a child about death is to have a firm grasp of their cognitive and emotional understanding of death. Use this information to guide you, as well as patience and persistence. 

Children process death gradually over time. Don’t sit them down once, overwhelm them with information and expect them to internalise it all immediately. 

Over a certain period, expect your child to ask various questions. Answer them consistently. As painful as it is, answer them honestly because it will help them start to grasp the finality of death.  

  • Be honest and clear 

Use simple, clear and direct words when teaching a child about death. It is also important to pause and give your child a moment to take in your words. Try to avoid euphemisms like, ‘She’s in a better place,’ because they can be scary and confusing for children. 

Use the word ‘death’ to avoid confusion. You could say “Your dad died. When people die their body stops working and you won’t be able to see them again”. If your child responds by asking whether the person’s body can be fixed, say “when a body stops working, it can never start again”. Click here to read the blog ‘What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies’.  

  • Build Emotional Literacy 

By consistently labelling and modelling your own emotions, you are acting as an emotional role model for a child. Labelling some of your own feelings will make it easier for a child to share theirs. 

Another way to build emotional literacy is to use “feelings cards” or illustrations to introduce emotion vocabulary to children. Asking a child to describe what they are feeling is an important part of developing emotional literacy. If a child sees you cry, explain what you are feeling and why. An important part of teaching children about death is to show them that it is acceptable to cry and grieve. 

  • Explaining death and the body 

Consider your child’s age and maturity when helping them understand the physical aspect of death. Begin this part of the conversation by making sure the child understands that the body of the person who died does not work anymore and will never work again. 

Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you can also talk about what you and your family believe happens after death. An important part of teaching children about death is to try and make death a part of normal conversations with children. 

  • Explaining funerals 

An important part of teaching children about death is explaining funerals and memorial services. Clear descriptions of what will happen (e.g., religious symbols, casket, black clothing etc.) are helpful as children thrive on knowing what to expect. Remember, you don’t have to talk about everything at once. 

Explain the service in age-appropriate terms to help alleviate some of the anxiety that comes from not knowing what to expect. Let children know that they may feel a wide range of feelings as well, or they may not feel anything at all. Explain that sometimes our feelings come weeks or even months later.  

  • Children try to make sense of death by asking questions 

Teaching children about death often comes with questions about their own mortality and the death of others close to them. It is important to teach your child that some people only die when they are very old or very sick, but we will all die one day.  

Children may also wonder what happens when you die and how you answer this question depends on your personal or spiritual beliefs. Some children may find comfort in having something to focus on when thinking about a person who died, for example “when we see a star in the sky, we can think about Mum and how much she loved us”. However, avoid direct euphemisms which can confuse children (such as saying the stars in the sky are mum).   

For more support on how to teach children about death, read our guide How to teach children about death. 

If your family has experienced the death of a loved one, you and your child need to know that you are not alone. Feel the Magic support families through the difficult period following a death, and support children as they grieve the death of a loved one. Click here to find out more about our bereavement programs.  

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Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 10 to 13 years 

Overcoming the Isolation of Grief: 14 to 17 years 

What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies

What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

The death of a parent is a very difficult situation for a child to face. Unfortunately, 1 in 20 Australian children will experience the death of a parent, and it is the responsibility of the adults in their lives to guide and support them through their grief. It’s hard to know what to say to a child when their parent dies.

Grief is an emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting process, so make sure you practice self-care. Although you may feel the need to be available to your child at all times, it’s important that you also look after yourself and your own grief. Here are some recommendations on how to approach the topic of death and what to say to a child when a parent dies.

How to tell a child their parent has died

Telling a child their parent has died will always be difficult. If you’re lost for words and don’t know what to say to a child when a parent dies, you’re not alone. Death is an uncomfortable topic for adults, so we often avoid discussing it with our children. However, delaying the news of their parent’s death or trying to soften your words will not help you child nor will it lessen their pain.

If you are in a position where you need to inform a child of their parent’s death, this is what you can do:

  • Create a safe space: You should choose a quiet space where you can talk without distractions. Include another adult if their presence will comfort your child or you.
  • Be prompt & honest: When approaching your child about the death of their parent, use care and be direct: “I need to tell you something important that will be hard to talk about. Dad died today.” Pause, give your child a moment to process this information, and answer the questions they ask you honestly. Use age-appropriate language when discussing the details of the death, if you have multiple children then start with the language appropriate for the youngest child.
  • Be straight-forward: Selecting the right words is important when deciding what to say to a child when a parent dies. Use words when talking about the death, like “died”, “death”, and “cancer”. Euphemisms like “passed away”, “not well”, and “went away” are too vague and can confuse children. They also might lead to your child jumping to wrong conclusions, like thinking everyone who is sick will die, or their parent will come back.
  • Establish open communication: Your child will have a lot of questions, and you may not know all the answers. This is ok, you just need to keep the lines of communication open so your child feels comfortable voicing their thoughts and feelings. Talk about your feelings and show that you are available to answer questions they have. Including your child in your grief and keeping them informed will help them feel more in control and secure in the knowledge that your family will get through this together.
  • Provide comfort: Children will react differently to the news their parent has died, some will cry, some will ask questions, some will get angry, and some may not seem to react at all. It is important that you remain close to your child during the conversation, reinforce that you are both safe, offer hugs, and highlight that they will be cared for and loved no matter what. Body language and non-verbal communication can be just as important as what you say to a child when their parent dies.
  • “You are not to blame”: Children tend to believe they cause things to happen by what they say or do, so you need to reassure them by emphasising that their parent’s death wasn’t caused by anything they said or did.
  • Discuss next steps: The death of a parent will inevitably change your child’s regular routine. Be clear about any new arrangements that have been made so your child can anticipate those changes, for example: “I will pick you up from school like Mum used to.”
  • Funerals & Memorials: It can be helpful to include your child in mourning rituals, like viewings, funerals, and memorials. Make sure you explain ahead of time what they should expect. Offer your child a role in the rituals as even a small role can help them take control of the emotional situation and give them a memory of being involved in the collective grief. Of course, you should let your child decide whether or not they would like to take part.

For more information on what to say to a child when a parent dies and how to parent your child through the initial stages of grief, visit our parenting resources hub, or download our brochures on parenting through immediate loss for children aged 7-9, 10-13, or 14-17.

How to support your child after the death of a parent

Once the funeral is over, normal life returns, but it is difficult because normal life for you and your child is different to what it was before the death. There is no easy or correct way to navigate these changes, but here are some ideas for you to consider:

Communication is vital

The death of a parent is traumatic for children, it can make them feel the world is no longer a safe place. They will have a lot of questions, concerns, thoughts, and feelings, you need to make sure they feel comfortable expressing all of them to you. By listening intently and supportively, you can create a sense of safety and support for your child, which will be both reassuring and comforting to them.

You may not always have all the answers, and you may not always know the “right thing” to say to a child when a parent dies, but this isn’t what your child needs. Instead of going straight into problem-solving mode, you should feel with your child. Confronting and working through difficult emotions together will help your child learn to accept and manage them more effectively.

Maintain continuity

Try to maintain your child’s typical routine to the best of your ability, this includes their normal roles and responsibilities at home, in school, and in the community. They will wish to withdraw from these activities in the initial weeks after the death, this is understandable and you should give them this space, but re-engaging in these normal routines is important for your child’s health. It also allows them to move forward in their grieving process.

Physical and family connection

Give hugs! You and your child are going through a very lonely and trying time, hugs and cuddles will help both of you feel connected, and it will give your child a sense of safety and support. If you need some ideas on appropriate connection activities following the death of a parent, access our list of activities here. You can also seek support from family and friends to help look after your child following the death, this will reinforce to your child that they are surrounding by a loving support network and it will give you a break when your own grieving process becomes overwhelming.

Empower your child

When possible, give your child choices and respect their thoughts and decisions. They have opinions and they will feel valued when they’re given a voice in important matters. Leaving your child out of decisions regarding their parent’s memorialisation can hinder their grieving process.

Remember their parent

Keep pictures of their parent in the house, create a memory box with your child, go through rituals and remembrance activities – although it can be painful to be reminded of the person who has died, it’s important for you and your child to reflect on happy moments and fond memories. This will help you both process your emotions and will move you along in the grieving process.

Ultimately, what you want to do is create a safe and eventually happy environment for you and your child. For more information on what to say to a child when a parent dies and how to parent your child through the initial stages of grief, visit our parenting resources hub, or download our brochures on parenting in the first year after a death for children aged 7-9, 10-13, or 14-17.

Grief Services and Support

Although the death of your child’s parent can make you and your child feel lonely, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. When you feel overwhelmed, you should practice self-care and reach out to access additional grief support services.

Feel the Magic offers free camps to help support you and your child in the difficult time following the death of a parent. If you would like to join a support network of other families who understand what you’re currently experiencing, you should join our grief community. Have more questions about what to say to a child when a parent dies or how to support a child through their grieving process? Please submit an enquiry and we will contact you as soon as possible.

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What to Expect When Children Grieve

Camp Magic mentor and Camper standing together with blue Camp Magic t-shirts on

Transitioning to Adulthood as a Grieving Adolescent

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Adolescence is a time of significant change in the realms of physical, psychological and social domains.

Adolescents that are transitioning to adulthood will commonly experience various challenges throughout their journey. For grieving adolescents, these challenges are often intensified and may be more difficult to navigate.

Adolescents express and process grief in a variety of ways depending on various factors, including the context of bereavement, support systems, age and personality. The support of a parent, guardian or mentor is essential to guide bereaved adolescents and help them develop coping skills to help them navigate this challenging period.

The importance of structure, routine and boundaries

Ordinarily, adolescents transitioning to adulthood may be led through scaffolded rites of passage. For bereaved adolescents, their transition period may lack guidance and stability. Thus, developing structure and routine is extremely important for adolescents to cope with the many changes throughout their journey.

Developing structure for a bereaved adolescent will require careful consideration of their unique circumstances. Some bereaved adolescents may be more reliant or dependent on those around them, whilst others may have taken on larger responsibilities and assumed empty roles. No matter the circumstances, the transition will be difficult, and it is important to develop structure to enable both independence and stability.

Another beneficial tip to supporting bereaved adolescents in transitioning to adulthood is establishing clear boundaries together. Boundaries can help to foster trust and respect, and they are best established through active listening, open communication and negotiation. The process of establishing boundaries together will develop independence and informed decision-making, ensuring your adolescent feels safe and supported.

Be aware that adolescents are more likely to be open and collaborative in setting boundaries if the conversation feels like a respectful negotiation. Maintaining an open line of communication is essential, especially throughout the time period where change is occurring. Bottling up feelings can be detrimental, so it is important to provide them with the space and permission to express their emotions and feelings.

Providing a support system

It is important to ensure that adolescents bereaved by a significant loss have an adequate support system. They may feel the overwhelming loss of someone who helped shape their fragile self-identity.

A counsellor, trusted adult, teacher, friends or close family members are some examples of individuals that are key figures that make up a support system for an adolescent.

It is also important to consider that adolescents may move away from their existing support network, which will lead to them being geographically distant from their family and may result in changes to their friends. This change may be particularly challenging for bereaved adolescents as they are surrounded by different people in a different environment. It is important that adolescents maintain the support of caring, open, honest and loving adults over the period of transitioning to adulthood.

Offer empathy and compassion

One of the most important ways to help a grieving adolescent transition to adulthood is by offering them empathy and compassion. It is undeniable that the young adult years are a time of growth, change and challenge. Navigating this period whilst coping with a major loss can have a profound effect on a young person’s social functioning, physical and mental health, and development. Showing an adolescent that they are supported, understood and cared for as they embark on a journey of transition to adulthood is crucial.

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Child in blue Camp Magic t-shirt sitting by the river

Preparing for the Death of a Sibling – 5 Ways to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

The death of a sibling is a tremendous loss for a child. Children may face a range of feelings and thoughts following the death of a sibling. These feelings can be further complicated if their sibling faced a prolonged illness or terminal diagnosis.

Grief can happen while expecting a loss

Although grief is often understood to happen after a loss occurs, grief can occur for those expecting a loss as well – this is called “anticipatory grief”.

Siblings of children facing a terminal illness may experience anticipatory grief in the months, weeks and days before the death.

Anticipatory grief can carry many of the symptoms of regular grief, including sadness, guilt, anger and isolation.

Older children and teenagers that are aware of the impending death might experience an overwhelming sense of anxiety in the lead-up to their sibling’s passing. They might also grieve the loss of their sibling’s abilities and independence, their loss of cognition, loss of hope, loss of future dreams, loss of security, and a loss of identity.

Anticipatory grief may also result in feelings of relief when the death eventually occurs, and guilt that can come with that relief. These feelings are common and normal.

5 ways to cope with anticipatory grief

  1. Find someone to talk to about your feelings. This may be a close family member, school teacher, social worker, or professional counsellor or psychologist. 
  2. Keep a journal to record and work through your feelings. 
  3. Try to maintain a healthy, balanced diet, and find adequate time to exercise and engage in self-care. 
  4. Try meditation or relaxation exercises to soothe the body’s physiological stress responses.
  5. Consider creative outlets to express your feelings. 

When a sibling is terminally ill, children adjust to this significant loss, and the impact on their parents.

Parents are often overwhelmed with their own grief and may need help addressing the needs of grieving siblings.

A surviving child may feel the need to “fill in” for the terminally ill child or the child who has died or may worry that the parents would have preferred if he or she had died rather than the sibling. It is important for parents to recognise the grief of surviving siblings and support them.

Common Grief Responses in Children of Different Ages

Following the death of a sibling, every child copes differently and there is no right way to work through feelings of grief. Below are the common grief responses in children of different ages.

Children under the age of 5 may:

  • Be affected by the emotions of those around them.
  •  Grieve in doses, alternating between displaying grief and playing as if nothing has happened.
  •  Ask confronting questions about death.
  •  Seek attention or show signs of insecurity.
  •  Feel guilty or responsible for their sibling’s death.
  •  Digress developmentally e.g. bed wetting.
  •  Act out their feelings or use play and toys.

Children of primary school age may: 

  • See death as reversible or become more anxious about the possibility of other close loved ones dying.
  • Be curious about death, and burial rituals and ask detailed questions.
  • Take time to absorb the reality of what happened and may not appear immediately affected by the death.
  • Be quick to blame themselves for their sibling’s death.
  • Worry about their parents who are grieving and feel a sense of responsibility for making them happy again.
  • Act out feelings rather than talk about them.
  • Be concerned about what their peers think and have a sense of isolation or separation.

Teenagers may: 

  • Grieve in doses, breaking their grief into bearable amounts, but this can sometimes result in intense outbursts.
  • Experience many emotions and thoughts that come and go, which can feel confusing, and at times overwhelming.
  • Feel guilty that they were unable to save their sibling.
  • Not want to talk about their grief.
  • Have problems sleeping or oversleeping.
  • Feel isolated or separated from their peers.

How to support children bereaved by the death of a sibling 

  • Encourage them to share their grief with other family members. This may help them work through the pain and sadness they are experiencing. 
  • Find support outside the family. Whilst it can be helpful to seek support from family members, it can also be hard for some family members to provide consolation while coping with their own grief. Consider the support of a teacher, psychologist or counsellor. An organisation such as Feel the Magic is also a great setting to receive support.  
  • Help them find ways to remember their sibling. Finding ways to memorialise their lost loved one can help keep his or her memory alive and maintain a feeling of connection. They might decide to make a family memory book with pictures or stories. 
  • Consider volunteering with a related charity or one that was important to the bereaved sibling.
  • Ensure their mental health is taken care of too. Feeling extremely sad or numb are normal reactions to the loss of a sibling. Although sometimes these and other symptoms do not lessen over time, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety or anger can begin to affect their daily life. If grief is becoming too difficult to manage alone, seek adequate professional support if needed. We have curated a list of other grief support organisations here.

Information and support are available

For more information to help you through a range of challenges, see our Grief Resource Hub. It is full of parenting resources, segmented into age-appropriate sections, to guide you through all stages of the grieving process. It covers everything from parenting through a terminal illness, to coping with anniversaries, how to speak to a child after an immediate loss to getting through the first 12 months and beyond. Additional grief support services can be found here.

Read More

Supporting Bereaved Siblings

Addressing Fears as a Parent of a Grieving Child

Feel the Magic and Newcastle Permanent Charitable Foundation

The Lasting Impact of Grant Giving

Posted on | by Isabella Simantov

Newcastle Permanent Charitable Foundation grant round surpasses $25 million in funding since 2003. 

Our friends and fierce supporters of Feel the Magic, Newcastle Permanent Charitable Foundation, reached this generous and impressive milestone recently. 

The Foundation supports the delivery of various projects and initiatives focusing on improving the health and social wellbeing of vulnerable people in regional New South Wales.

As a recipient of their funding last year, Feel the Magic joined in this year’s grant giving event. Our co-founder Kristy Thomas and long-time Feel the Magic Camper Noah Levin had the privilege of speaking about the positive and lasting impact of the funding provided by Newcastle Permanent Charitable Foundation last year. 

Noah Levin, Feel the Magic Camper and Ambassador
Kristy Thomas, Co-Founder Feel the Magic

The Foundation have supported Feel the Magic in many ways, including a generous financial contribution last year enabling us to provide our first ever Hunter-based Camp Magic at Lake Macquarie this year. Thanks to Newcastle Permanent, 15 campers attended Camp Magic for free and had the opportunity to be involved in a transformational weekend, learning vital skills for healing and coping with grief. Plus, several Newcastle Permanent staff kindly volunteered at Camp to support those grieving kids.

We are incredibly grateful to Newcastle Permanent Charitable Foundation who provided us with a grant to host our first-ever regional Grad Camp in Lake Macquarie early next year.

Newcastle Permanent partnered with Feel the Magic through their Community Assist Program

Grad Camp prepares young people aged 17 and 19 years who have experienced the loss of a parent or sibling to navigate the milestones and challenges of transitioning to adulthood. Grad Camp gives Campers an opportunity to reconnect, make new connections, plus explore strategies and techniques to help cope with grief while moving into adult life.

We are sincerely appreciative to Newcastle Permanent Charitable Foundation for helping us to facilitate much-needed support for grieving families in regional areas. We are looking forward to expanding our reach to help more grieving kids and families with the aid of supporters such as the Foundation. 

Congratulations Newcastle Permanent Charitable Foundation on your generous milestone and for all your support for Feel the Magic.