FTMadmin, Author at Feel the Magic

three women and a boy sitting around a table. One lady is smiling the boy is resting is head in his hands on the table

A Guide for Parents with Grieving Children

Posted on June 9, 2023 | by FTMadmin

Parenting children through the hard time following the death of a loved one isn’t easy, and there’s no one approach to help your children heal.

In the days, months, and years following your loved one’s death, your children will experience a range of emotions as they grieve. Here you will find a guide to help your children process these emotions in a healthy way.

Create Open Communication Between You and Your Children

Death is difficult to process for both children and adults, which is why we often struggle to talk about it openly. Although, starting these conversations with your children is a very important step in their path to healing.

Talking is a great way to work through complex emotions. Every child is different so you should expect each of your children to have different reactions to the loss of a loved one. They may not want to open up to you immediately and that’s okay.

The best thing you can do is to create an environment in which they know they can talk to you as soon as they feel ready. Here are some things you can do to help your children feel safe:

Be honest: When talking about death with your children, avoid euphemisms and answer any questions your children have about the death honestly. You may think hiding small details will protect your children, but when they find out the truth, there is a chance you will lose their trust. Being honest with your children will help them be honest with you.
Be open: Telling your children about how you’re feeling is a great way to start open dialogue about thoughts and feelings. Talking about your own feelings may help your children become aware of, and feel comfortable with theirs.
Give comfort: No matter how your children react to the death of their loved one, letting them know that you’re there for them and you love them will comfort them greatly. Offer hugs and handholding so they can be comforted without feeling like they’re being forced to talk.

Organise Activities To Keep You Connected

Organising family time is a great way to keep your family connected through your individual experiences with grief. There are many activities you can do together as a family, from movie nights to a bonfire, we have compiled a list of our favourite connection activities along with instructions on how to run them, which you can find here.

Be Kind to Yourself

It’s understandable to want to dedicate all of your energy to supporting your children, but you also need to focus on yourself as you’re grieving too. Grief is mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting, and to best support yourself and your children you should practice self-care. You can practice self-care by:

Making room for yourself: Allow yourself the space and time to grieve by taking time out and allowing others to take on some of your responsibilities.
Preparing yourself for others’ reactions: People are often uncomfortable talking about death, so they may become distant or try to comfort you with cliches. These reactions can be hurtful but try to keep in mind that your friends and family are doing the best they can.
Connecting with others: Social support is key to emotional well-being, so the best thing you can do for yourself is to connect with your social support system – they will be able to provide you with the understanding and care you need.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Although grief can feel isolating, it’s important to understand that you’re not alone – you are surrounded by a community you can lean on for support.

No matter where you and your child are in your grief journey, reaching out for help is always okay. If you need immediate help or wish to learn more about other grief organisations that can offer you support, we have created a list of other organisations that exist to support people’s mental well-being and grief. You can also join our grief community if you wish to connect with other families who understand what you are going through.

At Feel the Magic, we are dedicated to helping grieving kids heal. We have virtual and face-to-face camps designed by clinical psychologists and run by trained professionals to give kids and parents the tools they need to connect with their emotions and each other.

Our programs encourage healthy grieving and introduce families to a supportive community that understands. For more information or to register your interest in our camps, please contact us.

Helping Kids Cope With Grief

Posted on February 17, 2023 | by FTMadmin

He is one of Australia’s most respected positive psychology and parent speakers, an author and a researcher. He is the founder and owner of Happy Families Family Education.

Dr Justin Coulson invited Feel the Magic Co-Founder and National Virtual Program Lead, Kristy Thomas to his Happy Families podcast recently.

Many of us start the year with energy and feeling excited about life, but the reality is that sometimes hard things happen.

Episode #701: Kristy Thomas

During episode 701 of the Happy Families podcast – LISTEN HERE, Kristy shared the sad statistic that 1 in 20 children in Australia will lose a parent by the time they’re 18, what Feel the Magic is about and how best to support your grieving child.

Kristy also explained how:

grief can be isolating for children
Camp Magic can turn that feeling of isolation to inclusion amongst a community of other kids in similar situations
children usually respond to grief
parents should respond to their child’s grief
to feel it to heal it
to use your words intentionally
to look after yourself and your grief

Kristy said “Feel the Magic was born out of my own childhood bereavement as well as Co-Founder with my husband who had lost both his parents by the time he was 30. What we realised actually here in Australia is that there are minimal resources for children and parents to access to help kids through the worst time possible”.

Camp Magic – empowering kids to take control of their grief

Kristy further talked about Camp Magic, our signature and most in-demand three-day camp. We match every grieving child with an adult mentor that comes on the journey with them. They have someone sitting beside them on their journey. At every session during Camp, there is someone there with them to support them. We are there to empower kids to self-soothe, self-regulate, and take control of their grief.

“The biggest thing that’s amazing that comes along with these programs is they get to meet other kids like them. Part of what grief does to a kid is it isolates them. They become very different. They don’t know anyone else that is going through what they are. They don’t know how to talk about it with other people. And so when instantly they meet other kids going through the same thing, suddenly their world opens up to say I am not the only one. There’s a way forward” said Kristy.

Listen to the full podcast here, or on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify or iHeartRADIO.

About Feel the Magic

Kristy Thomas and her husband James founded Feel the Feel the Magic in 2013, driven by their personal experiences with grief and a mission to ensure no Australian child goes through grief alone.

We proudly continue this mission and have helped over 1,200 kids and their families through free camps, resources, research to help grieving kids heal.

As a leading charity dedicated exclusively to grieving children, we provide:

Evidence-based programs developed by a clinical psychologist
Free in-person and virtual camps for grieving kids
Grief support communities for teens, children and families
Free online resources and support

For more resources to help navigate childhood grief, please explore our Grief Resource Hub. If you’re interested in connecting your child and yourself to a community of people who understand you, and to mentors who can teach you about grief and give you the tools to heal, then please look into our free camps. If you need immediate mental health support for you or your child, please get in touch with a helpline.

Kids, facilitator and volunteer at Feel the Magic Family Day Camp

What to Expect When Children Grieve

Posted on December 12, 2022 | by FTMadmin

Understanding what to expect while your children are grieving is important so you can be better prepared to support them.

Children dealing with grief will experience a wide range of emotions and express themselves in a variety of ways. Children often process emotions differently to adults.

How Children Understand Death

The ability for children to understand death depends on their age and developmental level. From about ages 6 to 8 years old, children begin to understand that death is permanent and irreversible.

Prior to this, they may struggle to understand that death is permanent, or believe it is something that only happens to other people. Once your children understand the permanency of death, they may begin feeling anxious about themselves or other loved ones dying, or become preoccupied with health and safety.

Younger children may not be able to express these complex emotions verbally so they may instead react behaviourally. Although younger children may not understand death, they will still be aware of their loved one’s absence and may feel this loss keenly.

As children approach adolescence, they are usually developmentally capable of abstract thinking and can conceptualise death in a more adult manner. They can understand that death is universal, inevitable, and irreversible. They may start to ask questions about what happens after death. Older children have formed strong bonds with friends, so they may seek support from them instead of turning to their parents and caregivers.

Feelings and Behaviours

Grieving children will experience a wide range of emotions, including:

Fear
Anger
Vulnerability

Sadness/Despair
Shock
Longing

Guilt
Anxiety
Loneliness

These feelings are uncomfortable and hard, but they are common amongst grieving children.

Let your child know that these feelings are normal and that they can talk to you when they’re struggling with their grief. Also be aware that your child may have sudden mood changes. They may feel good in the morning, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they will feel good all day.

Younger children may not be able to vocalise their feelings and older children may not feel comfortable talking about them, so you should keep an eye out for these behaviours:

Crying
Social withdrawal
Restless hyperactivity

Absent-minded behaviours
Acting out
Avoidance

No matter how your children react to the death of a loved one, you should let them know that you understand, you’re not mad at them, and you’re always available to provide comfort.

If you are concerned that your child’s behaviour is putting them or others at risk, please reach out to accredited support services for advice.

Physical Reactions

Grief isn’t just an emotional reaction to death; it may also come with physical symptoms. These symptoms may be a manifestation of the anxiety and depression that often stems from loss. Some physical reactions to look out for are:

Tightness in chest
Hollowness/pit in stomach
Dry mouth

Shortness of breath
Oversensitivity to noise
Muscle weakness

Fatigue
Appetite Disturbances
Weight loss or gain

Your child may also experience sleep disturbances and may ask to sleep with you, even if this seems

Common Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms are strategies people adopt to help them manage painful or difficult emotions. All people, including children, will react to the death of a loved one differently and adopt different coping mechanisms. Some common coping mechanisms in children include:

Asking many questions about the death
Withdrawing from family and friends
Misbehaving with attention seeking or aggressive behaviours
Treasuring objects that belonged to the deceased
Avoiding reminders of the deceased

Older children may demonstrate different coping mechanisms, including:

Visiting places that remind them of the deceased
Favouring talking to adults and peers outside the family
Acting with bravado, as if they are unaffected
Hiding or repressing feelings
Taking on more responsibilities
Acting out with risk-taking behaviours

Coping mechanisms are healthy when they don’t put your child or others at risk, and if they’re not done to an obsessive level. It’s important to seek help for your child so they can develop healthy coping mechanisms that assist in the healing process instead of harming it.

Reaching Out for Help

At Feel the Magic, we are dedicated to helping grieving kids heal. We have virtual and face-to-face camps designed by psychologists and run by trained professionals to give kids and parents the tools they need to connect with their emotions and each other.

Our programs encourage healthy grieving and introduce families to a supportive community. For more information or to register your interest in our camps, please contact us.

If you need immediate help or wish to learn more about other grief organisations that can offer you support, we have created a list of other organisations that exist to support people’s mental wellbeing and grief. You can also join our grief community to connect with other families who have also experienced grief after the death of an immediate family member.

Always remember that help is available for you and your children, you just need to ask for it.

What to Say to a Child When a Parent Dies

Supporting Children and Teens Through Grief, Anniversaries and Significant Events

The Hughes Family Story

Posted on December 12, 2022 | by FTMadmin

The Hughes Family’s life changed on 6 February 2018. Stu died as a result of a head injury when he fell from a roof he was repairing. Their children Harrison and Sienna were just seven and five at the time.

The family engaged in counselling and play therapy for the kids. During the early days of their grief journey, a friend told them about seeing Feel the Magic on TV.

“I watched countless videos and testimonials about Camp and I remember thinking to myself, if it was half as good as everyone had said, then it would be ok. Harrison and Sienna attended Camp in August 2019. In the lead up to Camp, Harrison was adamant that he wasn’t going. That it was pointless and it wouldn’t fix anything. Sienna was a little more welcoming, but still had reservations. I was determined that they had to go. Call it a mother’s intuition, call it exhaustion, call it stubbornness – they were going! There may have been some bribery thrown in too. It turns out that Camp Magic is one of the greatest gifts you can give to a grieving child.”

“Harrison has made connections and bonds that have changed his outlook and his life. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but honestly it’s true. When Harrison returned home, he was able to see positives and was finally open about sharing them with Sienna and myself. It was such a massive step forward.”

“ When I asked him what was the best thing about Camp? Harrison said: “knowing that other kids have lost their Dad too and we’re not the only ones.”

“Sienna enjoyed her time at camp too, but because of her age when Stu died, she found things a little challenging. She was still engaged and learnt a lot, like breathing techniques that she still uses nearly every day. She also learnt about her “emergency meter” and when to ask for adult support if she can’t regulate her emotions, she learnt about self care and the different “seasons” of grief. She especially loved the memorial bonfire where she was able to write a letter to her Dad and send the message to heaven.”

READ THEIR STORY

We thank the Hughes family for their courage to share their personal story of grief and loss.

The Smith Family share their grief and loss journey

The Smith Family Story

Posted on December 9, 2022 | by FTMadmin

The Smith Family’s grief journey started very suddenly on 24 February 2018 when they received a call at 2.00am in the morning.

Clayton was 34 years old when he passed away in a single vehicle car accident in a rural town called Merriwa, in the upper Hunter Valley of NSW. From that instant so many lives changed, but most of all, that of his two children.

After the family heard about Feel the Magic during an interview on Sunrise, Indianna attended Camp.

“The day I dropped Indianna off, she was a heartbroken, angry and confused little girl, but on the day I picked her up, although that grief was still there, it wasn’t so all consuming anymore.

Indianna was more at peace and more accepting of her grief. She was able to put words together to describe her feelings and was able to use strategies she had learnt at Camp to deal with her often unpredictable and overwhelming emotions. But most of all, she found that she was not alone and that there were other girls just like her, who had experienced overwhelming loss too.

Feel the Magic is a great charity not just for kids, but also for their parents. Being a parent of two grieving children is totally overwhelming and emotionally draining, and the parents groups and the online support you receive from Feel the Magic is invaluable.”

“If we have learnt anything from our grief journey and Feel the Magic, it is that everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief also does not have a timeline but stays with you always – in some ways you just learn to live with the grief better.”

READ THEIR STORY

We thank and acknowledge the Smith family for their courage for sharing their personal story of grief and loss.

Resources for Grieving Children

Posted on September 9, 2022 | by FTMadmin

Grief is often overwhelming and can be hard to process no matter your age, which is why it’s natural to feel anxious and lost when trying to help your children heal after the death of a loved one.

You and your family aren’t alone in this struggle as, sadly, 1 in 20 Australian kids experience the death of their mum or dad before they turn 18*.

At Feel the Magic, our mission is to help families like yours heal, which is why we’re happy to provide you with these resources to help you and your child through your grief.

Supporting your child

The death of a parent can leave a child feeling isolated. It’s important as the remaining parent to comfort your child and always remind them that they are loved and cared for.

Providing comfort doesn’t mean you need to always be ‘strong’ – authentically expressing your emotions can help teach your child that it’s ok to be sad and talk about negative thoughts and feelings, and opens up opportunities for conversations about self-care, and positive coping strategies.

A great way to support your children is to validate their feelings. You can let them know it is normal to experience big emotions during grief, and ensure they feel listened to through your body language, tone of voice, and eye contact.

We know that not all adults are comfortable and experienced at talking openly about emotions. This is why we have a range of resources to help parents communicate with their grieving children. We also have resources to help with your own self-care, because looking after yourself is an important first step towards being the best support for your children that you can be.

Activities for staying connected

When living with grief, getting through each day can take up all your family’s energy, so it’s easy to lose connection with each other. This loss of connection can make the experience of grief even more difficult, so it’s important to put effort into maintaining and strengthening the connections between yourself and your child.

We recommend organising connection activities and have compiled a list of some of our favourites. Good connection activities provide a fun and safe environment in which your kids can connect both with you and the grief they feel for the loved one they lost. You can also use these activities as an opportunity to start conversations with your kids about what they are thinking and feeling.

When to reach out for support

No matter where you and your child are in your grief journey, reaching out for help is always ok. If you need immediate help or wish to learn more about other grief organisations that can offer you support, we have created a list of other organisations that exist to support people’s mental wellbeing and grief. You can also join our grief community if you wish to connect with other families who understand what you are going through.

At Feel the Magic, we are dedicated to helping grieving kids heal. We have virtual and face-to-face camps designed by psychologists and run by mental health professionals to give kids and parents the tools they need to connect with their emotions and each other.